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5 Things I wrote in my notebook during the Jeff Ross Roast of Las Vegas

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If you’re a city and you see this man coming, better run — or have a great sense of humor.

1. Opening act Tony Hinchcliffe has his hands full. Four women at the foot of the stage are apparently drawing his ire, as he's continually interrupted his act to lash out at them. Yeah, four-letter words are flying, and no, the women are completely oblivious. Welcome to Vegas, buddy.

2. Man, no jokes on Oscar Goodman, the Mob, our foreclosure rate, our unemployment? Bummer. But still some great material from Ross, although most of it's about Strip properties. Best Vegas-centric joke of the night: "I couldn't afford to stay at New York-New York, so I stayed at Newark-Newark. There was a guy taking a sh*t in the lobby."

3. It's the audience-participation section of the show, where Ross brings up people to give them a "mini-roast." Most took his jibes in good humor, but as a truly toasted woman kept demanding of him, "Just give me your shoes," Ross shot back, "Did you roofie yourself?" And after "Sapphire" grabbed the mic and began spouting off about her ample endowments and the things Ross could do with them, all he could muster was, "Could we get some Purell up in this bitch?" One guy, holding a beer can and clearly out on his feet, looked at a camera filming him and muttered, "This is Comedy Central?" "No, it's the fucking History Channel!" Ross shot back without missing a beat.

4. Quite a few tourists in the crowd, but Las Vegas seems to be well-represented tonight. Love the pair of elderly gentlemen from Summerlin who told Ross the great thing about living in Summerlin was that "we even have our own bordello." I lost track of how many times Ross high-fived these guys, who he re-introduced to the crowd as "the two old guys from The Muppets.

5. True to his credo of "Never too soon," two classics from Ross: "In honor of Joe Paterno, I think we should have 12 years of silence." On Whitney Houston: "She finally exhaled." God bless, Jeff.

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Ken Miller is Las Vegas Weekly's associate editor, having previously served as assistant features editor at the Las Vegas Sun ...

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