A&E

[Confessions of a Showgirl]

Confessions to a Showgirl: Advice for readers

Image
Maren Wade

I’ve been getting a lot of messages from readers lately and I want to thank you very much for your support. I guess my “Desperately Seeking a Facebook Stalker” column worked!

Anyway, I get asked tons of questions and figured I would feature some along with my advice. Here we go!

I’m fresh out of law school. I just had my first case and I completely froze up. I couldn’t remember my argument or what to bring up as evidence. What do you do when your nerves get the best of you? –The Virgin Lawyer

Dear Virgin Lawyer: Whether you are in a courtroom or onstage, it’s still a performance. When something goes wrong in a show, we normally improvise. We call it “winging it.” Try breaking out into song and dance and see if that helps. If not, go topless. That always seems to work when a show is going downhill. When all else fails, represent a celebrity who will go topless. That will give you instant credibility.

Oh, and what law firm are you with? Remind me not to go there if I ever commit a crime.

No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to lose weight. I have tried every diet out there and nothing seems to work. Is there something I’m missing? –Thinspiration

Dear Thinspiration: Have you tried the sex and cigarettes diet? That has helped a lot of showgirls (long-term life expectancy aside).

I have three small kids and they run me ragged. I’m looking for quick and easy dishes to whip up for the family. As a showgirl, your life is always on the go. Do you have any recommendations? –The Next Wolfgang Puck

Dear Next Wolfgang Puck: There is this one meal that always satisfies me and is super easy and fast to prepare. They are my maple pancakes. Here is the recipe:

Take pancake batter and Crown Maple (or any other maple whiskey will do) and mix it all up. Then grab a spoon and eat it fresh out of the bowl. It’s especially satisfying at 3 a.m. when you’ve had a little too much to drink and need to calm your stomach.

I love your column and read it religiously. I have a friend who is interested in writing. Where should she start? –WriterWannabe

Dear Writer Wannabe: First off, thank you so much! That means so much to me. Now as to your question, is your friend a showgirl? If so, she can’t be writer. I can’t have any competition.

For more life advice, feel free to contact me on Twitter @marenwade.

Follow Maren on Twitter @marenwade and read more Confessions at confessionsofashowgirl.com.

Share
Top of Story