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Sharks vs. Vegas

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Yeah, I’ve seen crazier things than that at Rehab…
Illustration: Spencer Holladay

It’s Shark Week on Discovery Channel, meaning, we’re only six months away from Travel Channel’s Vegas Week.

That raises the question: Who would win in a fight: sharks or Las Vegas?

Cirque du Shark?

Cirque du Shark?

The answer is sharks. In fact, the sharks have won the fight, and soon, the war.

Mandalay Bay is to blame. At the Mandalay Shark Reef Aquarium, certified divers are encouraged to get into the water with Sandtigers, Sandbars, and White Tip Reef Sharks. And I’m telling you, it’s only a matter of time before the sharks find their way from the Reef to the Mirage Dolphin Habitat, and then to the Wynn Koi pond, and then to the Bellagio fountains.

The worst part of this is, we, human beings, are the ones who facilitated Vegas’s inevitable Selachimorpha takeover. Las Vegas tourists pay $650 to swim with the Mandalay sharks… and I can only imagine how much of that money goes directly to the sharks themselves.

Shark photo-bombing tourists.

Shark photo-bombing tourists.

Here’s how I see it: If these sharks want to come and live in our casinos, in fancy, private rooms (that are much larger than the rooms of most other guests), then they should be paying us.

You say that sounds silly?

One year from now, you’ll be eating your words like a great white eats a sea lion.

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Rick Lax

Rick wrote the books Fool Me Once: Hustlers, Hookers, Headliners, and How Not to Get Screwed in Vegas and Lawyer ...

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