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The Monti Rock swag bag

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Monti Rock III just gave me the, uh, somethingist swag bag in history. But before we discuss its contents, let me explain the context:

My new book, I Get Paid For This: Kicking Ass and Taking Notes in Vegas came out this week. It includes an essay I wrote about Mr. Rock (a former disco superstar/celebrity hairdresser) two years ago. Monti was a fan of the essay.

So I invited Mr. Rock to the book release party. He was the first to show up. And the first to leave. That’s how it is with superstars: Make an appearance and onto the next function.

Before he left, he gave me a brown paper bag. Here’s what I found inside:

-A blonde doll without pants.

-Two value size bags of Pine Bros Softish Throat Drops. Natural honey flavored.

-A 375 ml bottle of whiskey, signed by Monti Rock III.

-A photo album with the words “Believe! A gift from Monti Rock, 2012” scribbled across the cover. Also the back.

-A Ghirardelli bar and a box of Godiva hot chocolate, signed by Monti Rock III.

-A bottle of red wine tied up in a bright red sock.

-A flyer for Club Asylum, a proposed nightclub that would feature “Women in the 40 age bracket dressing in men’s tailored suits, hair pulled back, in a uni-sex role. The door person should be a Dietrich type cabaret barker. She will set the tone.”

-A ticket stub for Rich Little’s May 25th, 2011 performance at Riviera.

-Six business cards for Levy’s Bagels & Deli.

-Nine other business cards, including one for “Mohammed Ahmed El-Asairy, Ministry of Interior, Saudi Arabia Al-Riad.” The home phone number is written in using blue pen.

-Six PLAYBILLS from various Vegas productions.

-Two Monti Rock III DVDs.

-Six copies of the CD Ronnie Rose Unforgettable Hits.

-Six printed out photos of Monti Rock III.

-Two personalized greeting cards. One of them features an African American woman in red and purple headdress. The other one features a male action figure’s pelvis sodomizing a female action figure’s pelvis with a miniature candy cane. Both cards are signed by Monti Rock III.

So, in conclusion, I’d say the party went pretty damn well.

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Rick Lax

Rick wrote the books Fool Me Once: Hustlers, Hookers, Headliners, and How Not to Get Screwed in Vegas and Lawyer ...

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