Las Vegas Weekly

July 16, 2012 · 9:42 AM

The subtle turn to evil

By Rick Lax

Get your own cream.

Photo: Rick Lax

Every sci-fi and comic book origin movie has a scene where the bad guy first turns evil. Usually the turn is small and it grows with time.

Well, I just had my turn.

I spend all my time in coffee shops and bookstores—that’s where I get writing done. So I drink a lot of coffee, with cream. Sometimes, when I reach for the cream pitcher and flip it over, I learn that it’s empty. One of every 15 times, let’s say. And in those situations, I ask the barista for more cream, and they bring it to me. The process takes between ten seconds and two minutes, depending on how busy the barista is.

Also, when I kill a pitcher of cream myself, I turn the pitcher over to the barista so he can refill it for the next customer.

Well, that’s what I used to do. But I’m done with that now. If nobody else is going to subscribe to the “If you kill it, fill it,” rule, then I’m not either. Why should I be a milk martyr? I’ve got important things to do, too. Like, uh, writing blog entries in which I compare myself to Darth Vader. Arteest at work, people!

Wonder what comes next. Will I start littering? Will I drink a regeneration serum and turn into an evil lizardman? Time will tell, and I’ll keep ya posted.

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