Las Vegas Weekly

July 1, 2008 · 2:47 PM

The inside scoop as Starbucks downsizes

By John Katsilometes

The top-10 things overheard at a Starbucks Corp. executives meeting today, as it was announced the company was closing 600 of its 16,000 stores and eliminating 12,000 full- and part-time jobs.

10. “I knew we overstocked that Simon & Garfunkel greatest-hits CDs!”

9. “I said, ‘Why not just black coffee in Styrofoam cups for 95 cents?’ And no one – no one! – listened to me!”

8. “Does this mean our reality show with Paris Hilton working at a Starbucks is a no-go?”

7. “What are we going to do with all these veggie wraps?”

6. “I guess now, we really do have room for cream.”

5. “We should have broken the news by driving hearses up to the drive-thru windows.”

4. “The shot of adrenaline after laying people off is a lot stronger than a shot of double-espresso!”

3. “Our coffee is more expensive than gas. What could possibly go wrong?”

2. “Anyone for a Slurpee?”

1. “Does this mean we're no longer 'Venti'?”

Share This