You can’t help but stare at Felony Melony: her mohawk painted with pink and purple stars, her large bright eyes and wide red-lipsticked smile, her hot pink miniskirt and the tops of her plump breasts emerging from her torn black punk rock T-shirt.
As the perky lead singer of The Objex performs provocative songs “PDA,” “Eat This” and “Get Some,” Melony leans forward and shakes her boobs, jumps off the stage and bounces around through her audience, then bends over to touch her toes, giving everyone a view of her white panties.
Her “Objex Cheerleaders” dance in front of the stage: Belladona Suicide twists her hips back and forth so her short dress covered in skulls and its fluffy pink tulle swirls around her. Roxy, a tall Amazonian beauty who has appeared on Rock of Love 2 and is now shooting for I Love Money 3, dances a sassy jive.
“Our music takes you back to when you were fifteen years old, your first time at a punk rock show,” Melony tells me before her set. “We have a lot of nostalgia in our music as well as current events that surround us. The music is retro but the lyrics are modern.”
The Mapes take the stage next with a different sort of sexual stage presence. They look like the Village People gone wrong. The singer is decked out in chaps and a cowboy hat, the guitarist as a Boy Scout, another guitarist shirtless in a scary green mask and the drummer in black and red with a gorilla-like mask. In front, Szandora hula hoops throughout the songs with dazed eyes and a silly smile, gradually taking off her clothes until she stands naked and happy and the center of attention.
The crowd shouts “Show us your tits!” and several obscenities at the band, which seems to be their way of showing support.
They really love The Mapes, and keep handing the band members free drinks in between songs. Everyone sings along to a song that goes, “Baby got an ass, I want to fuck it/If you got a titty, I want to suck it/If you got a turkey, I want to pluck it/If you got a dick, man, you better tuck it.”
Another hit is “I Hope You’re Getting Fat.” The band dedicates the song to anyone in the crowd who is pregnant (a few men raised their hands) and anyone whose girlfriend is pregnant: “I don’t want no babies/I’m never gonna settle down/So if you want to keep me/You better find some stairs to fall down/I hope you’re just getting fat/Because if you’re pregnant, you’re dead.”
As the set wraps up, all the band members are shirtless except the silent drummer. The Boy Scout is humping his guitar, then jumping onto a column and humping that, too. Some moshing, a few broken beer bottles and nipple slips and an overload of lewdness all adds up to an unforgettable set, if, that is, you can remember it.