Raunch and politics make a hot couple at the 2009 AVN awards

When adult film temptress Stoya won the coveted Best New Starlet statuette at the AVN Adult Movie Awards last night, she knew who to thank: “Each and every person who jerks off to my smut.”

Indeed, the acceptance speeches at the annual porn awards show at Mandalay Bay did not follow the, “I’d like to thank the Academy…” format used by more mainstream Hollywood types.

While the AVN Awards are often called the Oscars of porn, the awards shows are markedly different.

Sirius Satellite Radio host and Howard Stern Show contributor Bubba the Love Sponge wasn’t sure why AVN asked him to help announce the winner for Best Anal.

“Maybe because I’m the biggest asshole?” he offered.

The award, however, went to Sunny Lane and Manuel Ferrara for their in-the-out-hole roles in Big Wet Asses 13.

The young beauty trotted to the stage after her name was called, excitedly fist-pumping the air as she shuffled along in her sky-high high-heeled shoes.

Hosting the AVNs were two pint-sized and one plus-sized adult film star – Belladonna, Jenna Haze, and full-figured temptress, Thea Vidale.

While Haze and Belladonna shared the hosting spotlight, Haze did outshine Belladonna to win the Best Female Performer trophy.

The well-known actress was gracious upon receiving the award and pledged to “spread my legs forever for this business.”

“This is just the beginning of my sluttiness,” she said.

James Deen missed his moment in the spotlight, as he was in the bathroom when he was crowned Best Male Performer.

“Where is he?” demanded Deen’s sometimes co-star, Joanna Angel, who stepped up to accept the award on his behalf.

She delivered an articulate acceptance speech in Deen’s absence.

“He wants to thank every girl he’s ever had sex with, which is probably every girl in the room,” she said, only half-joking.

Deen wasn’t the only no-show: Best Oral award winner Annette Schwartz wasn’t on hand to accept her statuette, either.

A wide array of catchy titles were mentioned during the evening’s program --It’s Big, it’s Black, it’s Jack, Ass Cream Pies, Texas Vibrator Massacre, America’s Next Top Tranny, Bareback Mount Him, Charlie Wilson’s Whore, I Was 18 50 Years Ago and Leave It in Her Beaver. Hustler Video’s Strollin’ in the Colon deservedly was recognized as Best Title of the year.

When it came time to announce the winners for Best All-Girl Couples Sex Scene, Vidale jokingly defined the genre as “when two girls (have sex) and then go buy shoes.”

Blond bombshells Belladonna and Jesse Jane received the award, but lamented that they didn’t get any shoes after filming the scene.

In addition to the XXX star-studded attendees and humorous onstage banter, the AVNs featured live entertainment to break up the acceptance speeches and awarding of awards.

Flo Rida appeared twice during the ceremony, first to perform his dirty dancing anthem, “Low.”

More than a dozen sultry Spearmint Rhino dancers joined him onstage and further enhanced the performance with their distinct brand of seductive showmanship.

When Flo Rida later reappeared to sing his hit, “In the Ayer,” legions of sexy nominees flooded the stage to bump and grind alongside the muscular hip-hopper. Also onstage was old-school rapper Flava Flav, who shadowed Flo Rida as he zigzagged across the stage with his signature oversized clock dangling from his neck.

Serving as the AVN’s halftime show was an incredibly political, timely sequence produced by Evil Angel owner and the father of gonzo film technique John “Buttman” Stagliano.

The dance sequence incorporated images of George W. Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, Abu Ghraib, Haliburton, the Iraq war and censorship into a poignant statement centered around First Amendment rights.

Stagliano was recently indicted on seven federal obscenity charges related to the production of adult video entertainment. If convicted, he could face 32 years in prison and as much as seven million dollars in fines.

The presentation began with the singing of the national anthem before a dozen dancers, most whom were formerly involved in Stagliano’s Fashionistas production, took to the stage in sexed-up tear-away military fatigues.

Legends in Concert cast member and Whitney Houston impersonator Jazmine took care of the vocals, performing an original song inspired by “There is Hope” by the Crystal Method.

The rest of the 2009 AVN Awards were surprisingly political, as well. From Vidale’s opening monologue about Barack Obama (“We’re going to have a hot couple having hot sex in the White House – with each other, no less!”) to Stagliano’s visual presentation, what many assumed would be a politics-free program was quite the opposite.

Even Larry Flynt stopped by to offer his two cents on the nation’s current economic crisis.

The legendary pornographer and First Amendment crusader surprised the audience toward the end of the show when he appeared onstage to deliver a politically charged address.

Flynt encouraged members of the porn industry to work harder and be smarter with their business and not expect any bailout handouts from government.

Just a few days after Flynt and Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis requested a $5 billion stimulus package from the federal government, the Hustler founder offered a blunt alternative to handouts, which he suggested were temporary surface solutions.

“We have a solution, and it’s called bankruptcy,” he said.

Still, the controversial 66-year-old publishing icon remained optimistic.

“I think this industry has a strong future,” he said. The wheelchair-bound icon said quality producers, performers and directors would be key to the sector’s success.

Earlier in the program, Vidale had joked about the faltering economy and the resulting cutbacks felt across the porn industry.

She suggested that like Americans in a wide range of industries porn stars were having to do more with less, single-handedly performing the jobs of two or three people.

“Do you know how hard it is to take it up the a-- and hold the boom mic?” she quipped.

Thankfully, not all talk at the awards revolved around politics and the economy.

While self-proclaimed manual stimulation specialist Penny Flame was not awarded an AVN in the “Best Education Release” category, she did have the honor of presenting with – and motorboating – Tera Patrick.

After several years in the porn industry and plenty of AVNs under her belt, Patrick delivered what was the most eloquent and simultaneously patriotic line of the night.

The AVN Hall of Famer effectively summarized the industry that made her a star and the awards show that celebrates it by stating: “Only in America can you make a million dollars from the power of your pussy.”