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Remember “Dick in a Box”?

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Don’t forget to bring hand sanitizer to AEE
Photo: Joe Brown

For the guy on the go, here's the ultimate in convenience and portability: A vagina in a can. Sold from a vending machine.

It's called the Fleshlight, and if nothing else, it beats the other things — cantaloupes, pumpkins — that hard-up guys have stuck themselves into since man discovered masturbation.

At the substantial Fleshlight booth, one of many self-help vendors at the 2010 Adult Entertainment Expo, curious and amused visitors poke their fingers into a wall-mounted display of lips, vaginas and, um, another orifice.

(Note to self: bring hand sanitizer to AEE next year.)

(Note to potential purchasers: DON'T BUY THE FLOOR MODEL, no matter how deep the discount.)

Each of the slippery-soft sexual simulacras, which retail for $33-$45, was molded from the actual private parts of porn stars Tera Patrick, Jesse Jane, Lupe Fuente, Eva Angelina, Riley Steele and Jenna Haze.

"We fly the porn stars to (Fleshlight HQ) Austin, TX, we have a molder come in, they mold their vagina, their mouth, and then we reverse-mold that to produce the Fleshlight," says company spokesman Daniel Pacheco, looking sharp in a silver jacket.

The stars have a contract and receive royalties on all products sold, Pacheco says, pointing out that all have a vagina, except Jenna Haze, who has an exclusive butt mold. This is apparently a specialty of her oeuvre.

There's a male variation, a brother brand called Fleshjack, targeting the gay market. The company contracted the Visconti Triplets, the first triplet act in gay porn, molding Jason Visconti's penis, Joey V.'s anus and Jimmy's mouth.

They've also capitalized on the vampire craze, offering a pliable, portable mouth with fangs, called — what else? — Count Cockula.

Pacheco is not just a spokesman, by the way — he's a happy consumer of his product, which was featured last year in the movie "Zack and Miri Make a Porno." He says he's had his for more than two years, and notes that it's easily washable, but not dishwasher-safe.

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