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Stripped

Tales of the naked city, from a Las Vegas dancer.

04.29.09 · 1:56 PM

The idea of a boob job just feels right

Speaking of breast implants, what can I say about silicone versus saline? Saline is by far more popular. Through my highly scientific research of squeezing lots of stripper boobs, I’ve had more saltwater in my hands than a scuba diver. Saline is just saltwater, and it is somehow more peaceful a thought to have saltwater implanted in your chest than silicone. It’s like having the ocean near your heart or something equally cheesy. The drawback of saline is that it ... Read more...

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04.24.09 · 11:11 AM

Knocked off balance: Lopsided logic leads to bad boob jobs

“You look prettier every time I see you” I told a stripper at work. Every time she goes on vacation, she gets cosmetic surgery. She really does become prettier over time. Prettier, in that permanently-surprised-and-unnaturally-proportioned kind of way, but still better than the month before. “Better” and “prettier” all being descriptions left for the beholder to use, mind you. By far, the most popular choice of surgical cosmetic improvement is the good old boob job. The breast augmentation is outrageously ... Read more...

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04.21.09 · 10:46 AM

Dancers don’t shrink from psychiatric duties

I forget sometimes that strippers are like naked therapists. With all the couches and the talking, it’s really exactly what we are. We have a hard earned high hourly rate because we fulfill important needs. The importance of our services varies from client to client. The least-important service, I’d argue, is the physical stimulation. Beauty and physical contact are valuable commodities but I think people spend more when they fall for inner beauty. Your hooks are in deep when they ... Read more...

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04.16.09 · 11:37 AM

A psychological boost away from the stage

I spent tax day attending a lecture at UNLV. This was no ordinary lecture, even though it had all the attributes of an ordinary lecture including an old professor professing his knowledge and a bunch of partially interested college students filling about every other chair in the lecture hall and only present for the extra credit. Still, I could barely contain my excitement. The guest professor was the great social psychologist Philip Zimbardo. To those unfamiliar with his brilliant work, ... Read more...

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04.12.09 · 10:13 PM

With this ring, I thee wed … a rare tip from a customer

“Have you ever been in love?” a drunk woman asks me at the bar of a strip club. She is pudgy, with straight, flat, dishwater-brown hair. She is pale with freckles and has one of those chins that blends with the neck. Reminds me of a sausage with facial features. Expecting my answer to be “no,” she stares at me with bloodshot, ice-blue eyes. “Yeah. I think I have been.” She’s not convinced. She persists. “I mean really, really, really ... Read more...

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04.9.09 · 12:09 PM

The fraudulent among us talk of revenge

The word on the street is that the girls who I wrote about in the credit card fraud item are out to get me. They said they’re not sure how they’re going to get revenge, but they are going to do it. Should I be worried? Actually, I don’t doubt for a second that, given the chance, they would do something really bad to me. These particular girls have no guilt when it comes to hurting people. If they did, ... Read more...

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04.6.09 · 1:34 PM

When dandruff is glitter: A study in the drawbacks of black light

I’ve spent a lot of time staring at a variety of things under black light: people, carpets, liquids and pubic hair. I’ve come to the conclusion that black light is not flattering. Besides hiding cellulite, it really has no business in a strip club. It reacts oddly with hair, make-up and clothing, among many other things. I even saw a woman whose fake teeth glowed in black light. Only every other tooth was fake so her smile looked like electric- ... Read more...

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04.2.09 · 8:38 AM

Ready for a great stripper story? Duck!

I have a male friend who has better strip club stories than I do. There was the time when he bought a lap dance and the stripper took her top off to reveal a boob job so fresh, she still had the surgical bandages on them. Some people are brave enough not to fear infection from rubbing thinly veiled wounds against countless, random, diseased men after undergoing surgery. Anyway, my friend has a great story about being at a strip ... Read more...

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Featured Cocktail

Cocktail of the Week May 15, 2013
by Sabrina Chapman

The Golden Pillar: An architectural cocktail built for XS

This Sunday, XS nightclub celebrates the grand reopening of its after-dark pool party, Night Swim. Along with the bash comes a new offering of signature cocktails served by the pitcher, ...
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