Sunrise Landfill has officially become a thorn in the side of Republic Services, which was ordered by the EPA last week to “permanently” seal up the 440-acre site. (It, er, leaked into the Las Vegas Wash in 1998. We know. It’s disgusting. Moving on …)

Here’s the problem: Republic has promised to pay $7 million, but any money past that they are suggesting that you, the ratepayer, pony up. Given that the cost of making the former dump environmentally safe after that is somewhere in the neighborhood of $30 million, that’s a lot of extra change you’ll be spending in the next few decades.

So if we end up paying for all this, we should at least get a say in the site’s future. And we here at Weekly are only too willing to share our ideas. And what better solution than to fix the dump and make money at the same time?

Golf course. Hey, if you can get past that strange odor, imagine the layout on 440 acres. And you’ve got instant fertilizer. And don’t even worry about downing too many beers on the course and having no place to relieve yourself; the ammonia surely will help the decomposition process.

Children’s water park. Just make sure to wear your goggles—this water’s going to require a LOT of chlorine. You know, kind of like the Playboy mansion pool. OK, maybe not that much.

The Recycling Museum. See recycled works of art, courtesy of—well, you. And for an additional fee, see the masterpieces made before your eyes. This will give new meaning to the term “touch tank.”

The Garbaggio. Steve Wynn’s newest casino will feature a revolutionary design where the rooms start on the 20th floor. Below that—well, you’re probably better off not knowing what’s below that.

A temporary nuclear waste repository. All the deadly radiation of Yucca Mountain, none of that whiney public political ignorance.

A new Desai endoscopy center. Hey, at least this time people know what they’re getting into.

A downtown art district satellite location. If you can sell a painting of nothing but the words “Impeach Bush” in acrylic paint, or a scary skull molesting a taco, you can sell it anywhere. Extra points if you pay the $2 donation to get in.

Finally—a place for wedding chapel hand-billers to ply their trade in peace!

Jim Gibbons honorary park and monument. Obvious, but appropriate.