1 | There’s gold in them thar closets! Bring gently used clothing to the Buffalo Exchange: “designer wear, vintage, jeans, leather, great basics and irresistible one-of-a-kind items.” Call 791-3960 or click on buffaloexchange.com.
2 | Stand outside Star Nursery or Home Depot and wait for odd jobs. Bring a hat for shade, plenty of water and about 45 of your closest friends.
3 | Distribute fliers for a nightclub. There are a lot of cars out there and not nearly enough people to positively wallpaper them with fliers. Or maybe Direct 2 You transgendered massage therapists are more your speed—there are plenty of cards that need to be handed out. (Remember, it’s tap-tap-present, tap-tap-present) Or, if you’re of a delicate constitution, stand in the casino thoroughfare giving away free entry cards and sniffing out bachelorette parties (hint: someone’s wearing a veil and carrying a phallic cup). Look for job tips on Craigslist.
4 | Sell plasma, sperm, eggs, hair or anything other bodily bits you may have to spare.
5 | Wield a sign on a street corner for a tax place, smoke shop or newly carpeted apartment complex offering the first month rent-free. Find sign-spinner gigs at jobs.myspace.com, aarrowads.com or alluringadvertising.com. Keep up with your brethren at signspinnerworld.com.
6 | The Weekly’s Pick: Take the folks at Bait & Tackle Motion Pictures up on their generous offer: Simply grab your, ahem, rod and reel it in on camera for a cool $500 cash! C’mon, you’re already doing it pro bono—might as well get paid for it. If you live out of state and make the cut, they’ll fly you to Las Vegas round-trip, pick you up in a limo, cover your hotel room and still give you the cash. Call 702-GEARBOX, check out vegas15.com or, if you simply can’t wait to bare it all, send your photos, stats and contact information to firstname.lastname@example.org.
7 | Try being a school crossing guard. It pays at minimum $772.20 per month for just a few hours a day, some in the a.m. to get the kiddies to school, and a few in the afternoon to get them home. Keep an eye out for openings and fill out an application online at lvmpd.com.
8 | Rent a Stanley Steemer carpet cleaner and tack cardboard signs on all the lamp posts around your neighborhood: “Four rooms for $59!”
9 | Pawn-shop all evidence of past relationships out of your life and into your wallet. (See Only a Pawn article.) You’d be amazed what a tiny little diamond ring can bring in …
10 | If all else fails, we hear the military is recruiting.