"Great sex should not break the bank or the back."
The mantra of sex coach Kim Switnicki's new book, Great Sex for Hard Times, is simple: the recession shouldn't put a damper on your sex life just because of added stress or tighter budgets. Face it, we can't all jet off to Fiji for a romantic weekend at the drop of a hat and many of us haven't made it past the first chapter of the Kama Sutra, either.
You don't need to be a jet setter or a gymnast to keep things spicy in the bedroom. Switnicki was at the Adult Entertainment Expo signing copies of her book and telling fans just how easy it can be to revive your love life without draining your bank account.
What are some of the benefits of making time to have sex?
Especially when times are tough because that's when families get fragmented and couples end up being upset or tense or frustrated and there's a physical gap between them — they don't snuggle anymore at night. It's really important to have them get that connection even if they're not making love. There are lots of little tips in the book like have a snuggle or some type of intimacy building activity because then you're together and you're a force together so it can be like "us against the world" instead of just you and me.
You are a sex educator and a sex coach. How does that differ from say, a couples therapist?
Most of us weren't taught by our moms, sisters, aunts, grandmothers about how to have pleasure when we have sex. We learn things like how to avoid pregnancy or how to avoid disease but we don't learn about what's pleasurable and how can we have that intimacy and how can we have better orgasms and how can we have oral sex in a way that works with our partners. Those aren't things our folks are teaching us so I help women learn some of that. The sex coaching is really working with what's happening now and what you want more of where sex therapy tends to go into the past, the problems you might have had. Sex coaching is for people who know they want something more and don't know exactly what it is. I help them decide what they want, create that picture and take steps to get them there.
Especially given the trying economic times, what do you think is a major blocker of intimacy these days?
Communication. And going back a step forward it would be the legacy that most women primarily carry from their moms, grandmothers and generations back where they're feeling fear, shame and embarrassment about their bodies and about accepting pleasure and they don't feel really comfortable. We just aren't brought up to be thinking that this is a fabulous thing to be doing. Once you learn about that and you develop ways to communicate with your partner once you start feeling about it. In my book I've got a lot about communication. I've even got some lines where you fill in the blanks in sentences you can say to help you explain what you want. Most men just want to please you and we have such a tough time saying what we want. This helps couples jump start that communication.
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What are some of your tips for easy ways to spice up your love life?
I'm a big fan of the 10-second kiss or what I call a 20-second hug. It's amazing what can happen in 10 or 20 seconds. When you're kissing, really get into it and stay present. Don't be thinking about going to the dentist, or shopping or what you have to do later. Really be present for the kiss and the hug. Get into a full-body hug where you're feeling your lover's shoulders and their butt and their arms. It could be in the hallway, in the kitchen when you're making dinner, when you're switching a load of laundry to the dryer. Just those little things that don't mean you're necessarily going to have sex later on; those bits of intimacy really help you build things up so that you're maybe going to have some more fun in the bedroom later.
Is there a sex toy on the market today that you would endorse or recommend?
I'm a huge fan of flavored lubricant, which may not sound like a toy but I think it's probably the most empowering sexual accessory you can own. You can use it for oral sex; it's fun; it smells good if you have a really good quality one. Often women will make love when they're not quite ready to because they do it for him. So the slipperier you are, the better it feels for both of you and then you're not going to have any discomfort and everything's going to run a lot smoother and it's fun and you can just be playing and having fun. It's really key to have fun in the bedroom.