Enjoy this story, as it might be the last one you ever read. The world is coming to an end, you see. But don’t take my word for it; ask radio show host L.A. Marzulli.

Last week, Marzulli spoke at Minister Dante Fortson’s Omega Hour End of Times Conference held at the Ignited Praise Fellowship. I stopped by and took a seat alongside three dozen remarkably calm alarmists. My seat, actually, was right beside a poster featuring seagulls flying in a heart-shaped formation against a purple evening sky. Marzulli’s speech, by comparison, wasn’t so serene.

“I had a vision. I’m on a concrete platform, looking out to the ocean. In the dead center of my view, there are huge flames coming out of the ocean. Three weeks later, I’m watching the news, and I see the exact same image on TV. It’s the BP oil spill.”

So what disaster is on deck? Well, according to Marzulli: “In the last [vision] I had, which has not come to pass—I’m not a prophet; I’m a watchman. When God says this, I share it with you—there’s a man. 6-foot-2. Stout. Elderly. 65, 70. He’s in a wealthy home. I go up to him, converse with him, standing in three inches of water. He says the water is up to the rafters. And I open the home’s wooden gates and I’m looking at the ocean, and it’s raging, tumultuous ... and that’s the end of the dream.”

Hopefully, Marzulli’s liquid apocalypse will hit Lake Mead first.