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The super-fantastic Vegas dream-day quiz!

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Would you give your El Cortez slot winnings to a random street performer? You’re a swell human being, and we want to be your friend.

Somewhere between Cosmopolitan’s “Do you have a bad girl side?” and Quibblo’s “What is your Hogwarts house?” we cooked up this gauge of your Vegas personality and how you might spend your last day on Earth in the city designed for cramming too much into 24 hours. It can’t define you as a person, but it can tell you how to plot your next long weekend.

1. After too many Bearded Clams at Frankie’s, you wake up in your bed with your shoes on but mysteriously without your pants (the ones you keep your wallet in that are still riding around in a taxi). You soothe your hangover and wounded ego by:

A) Adopting furry children from the Little Friends Foundation

B) Playing disc golf at Sunset Park (and being way too serious about it)

C) Dipping everything into the beer cheese at Hops & Harvest

D) Communing with the hot-chick posters above the toilet at Triple B

2. You’re dating someone new. Someone you’d consider turning into a vampire for to make your love eternal. You want to impress on the second date, and you know you can’t go wrong with:

A)Walking by Downtown wedding chapels screaming, “Congratulations!”

B)Keeping it together during naked yoga at the Erotic Heritage Museum

C)Exploring politically incorrect carbonated beverages at Retro Soda

D)Getting matching Mariah Carey portrait tattoos you won’t regret at Studio 21

3. The fact that twerking appears in more headlines than [insert significant event] makes you angry. Rather than channel your anger into comments on social media that will only inflate the twerknado, you blow off steam by:

A)Winning $20 on the El Cortez slots and giving it to a random street performer

B)Asking a gondolier at the Venetian if you can take the oar for a minute

C)Sampling food you can’t hope to pronounce at Rincon de Buenos Aires

D)Pushing the T-Rex “roar” button over and over at the Natural History Museum

4. It’s just an average Tuesday afternoon. So, naturally, you feel like doing something totally over-the-top wild and potentially life-changing for you and others. Vegas, baby! Of course, that means:

A)Chatting with Mayor Goodman about making the city a more perfect place for all

B)Doing the little dance from the commercial all over Club Fortune Casino

C)Hitting every great cheap restaurant on Spring Mountain Road in one lunch

D)Recreating the Jubilee! butt promo (the skyscraper-scale one attached to Bally’s) and making it your Facebook profile pic

Key

Mostly A: You are a swell human being, the kind who does for others even after a bender at Frankie’s. We want to be your friend. Call us.

Mostly B: Whether you’re angry or amorous, you’re keeping your heart rate up. If this really were our last day on Earth, we would still wish we had your abs.

Mostly C: While you’re in the middle of breakfast, you’re thinking about lunch. So is everyone else, they’re just not evolved enough to admit it.

Mostly D: You are crazy. And awesome.

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Erin Ryan

Erin got her first newspaper job in 2002 thanks to a campfire story about Bigfoot. In her award-winning work for ...

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