He feels fat.
He would feel fat.
He is fat, and don’t even try to argue with him about it.
He’s hungry.
He just ordered Chinese food.
He wants to order Chinese food.
Cheetos hands.
He’s tired.
He’s drunk.
He’s about to go out drinking.
I’m drunk.
“You’re making that crazy sex face at me.” (Related to prior.)
He’s about to go to work and doesn’t “want to smell like sex” (???).
He’s stressed out by work and not in the mood.
Baseball game.
Basketball game.
Hockey game.
Football game (American).
Football game (British).
Football game (European).
Fútbol game (Latin American).
Boxing match.
Presidential debate.
Sopranos marathon (of his own creation, because he owns the box set).
[Insert HBO/Showtime series].
His breath smells.
My breath smells.
He needs to shower.
He just showered.
He doesn’t want to have to shower afterward.
“What, you want to have sex in the car?!” (Yes, after trying and failing on the bed multiple times.)
It’s too early.
It’s too late.
I seem too emotional (which can happen when you don’t have sex for months).
It’s too hot.
It’s too cold.
The air-conditioner sound is distracting.
“But the dogs are here.” (They’re always here.)
“They’re looking at us.” (They’re usually looking at us.)
Toothache.
Headache.
Stomachache (sometimes related to Chinese food).
Mysterious foot/leg pain that only occurs when I try to have sex with him.
He needs to go drum and doesn’t want to be distracted by having had sex earlier in the day. (This just happened.)