Hamptons Diet vs. Las Vegas Diet
Star magazine recently declared the Hamptons Diet triumph over the South Beach Diet. But how does a regimen created among the pampered of New England compare to a diet forged in the heat of the Nevada desert?
Hamptons: Unlimited amounts of steak
Las Vegas: Unlimited amounts of prime rib
Edge: Las Vegas Diet. Prime rib is all-you-can-eat!
Hamptons: Cook everything in expensive macadamia-nut oil
Las Vegas: Cook everything in Crisco. It's mmm, mmmm good!
Edge: Las Vegas Diet. Crisco was good enough for Florence Henderson, it's good enough for us.
Hamptons: Eat lots of fresh vegetables
Las Vegas: Veggies take precious plate room away from crab legs.
Edge: Las Vegas Diet. Did you really need to ask?
Hamptons: Exercise regularly in a sensible regimen
Las Vegas: Work on your craps arm until 3 a.m.
Edge: As long as you're making your points, it's all good.
Hamptons: Avoid processed foods high in carbohydrates
Las Vegas: Start each morning with a bowl of Cap'n Crunch and chocolate milk
Edge: Las Vegas Diet. After playing craps until 3 a.m., you need a bowl of sugar just to get your heart beating again.
Winner: Las Vegas Diet
Like pulling an inside straight out of the air, hitting triple sevens on the slots or doing whatever it is you're supposed to do to win at baccarat, Vegas trounces the Hamptons. Take that, ya prissy East Coasters!
Freaks (NR) (4 stars)
So shocking it was banned in England for 30 years, this tale was conventional enougha trapeze artist conspires with her lover, a circus strongman, to rob a midget of his fortune by marrying and poisoning himbut what was disturbing was the use of actual sideshow performers. The DVD comes with several valuable bonuses, including commentary and alternate endings.
Kill Bill: Volume 2 (R) (4 stars)
With enough obscure pop-culture and film-nerd references to justify an edition of Trivial Pursuit of their own, both halves of Kill Bill saga are now available at Quentin Tarantion's original intended length. Look for at least two more Kill Bill packages: the obligatory two-disc director's cut and the un-bisected Japanese edition.
The Lost Boys (R) (4 stars)
Thanks to Joel Schumacher, this provides all the goofy fun that any movie about hottie California vampires on motorbikes ought to deliver. It's hard for me to imagine anyone being interested in all vampire-related bonus material on Disc 2, but students of production design likely will get a kick out of it.
'Las Vegas' (5 stars)
The Polka Beat, Johnny Prill
Has there ever been a sad polka? With all that bouncing and accordian-playing, I think not. So why did it take so long for someone to write a polka song about the happiest place on earthLas Vegas? Even though the singer can only stay one night, his love for our "pretty neon lights" shines through. And how can you not love a song with the chorus, "Las Vegas, you're the greatest, and I'll miss you when I go"? Truly the best polka song about our town ever recorded.
Failed Las Vegas TV Shows
1. dr. Vegas, Proctologist
2. George Knapp is Off His Meds!
3. Oxygen-Tank Confidential: Retirees Gone Wild!
4. Crazy Girls: Special Victims Unit
5. Poke Michael Mack With a Stick and See If Something Happens
Gourmet, August: If you can tolerate its precious touchesparentheses within parentheses: too cute by halfand the occasional foot-dragging of his slacker-baroque style, David Foster Wallace's inquiry into the ethics of boiling live lobsters is thought-provoking, searching and unflinching. (Yeah, the sea bugs probably do feel pain.) Note to DFW: Twenty footnotes is about 15 too many.