"Is it football season already?" my wife asked last weekend. I'm not sure what gave it away—the myriad parlay cards scattered across the table, locking the TV remote in a safe by my easy chair, the fact that I've forgotten the names of my children, or maybe it's just that for the first time in seven months, I smiled and really meant it.
I couldn't believe she didn't know this, anyway. I've only been counting down the days religiously since the draft in April. I threw a party when the preseason started. My life revolves around football. When I was in second grade and the teacher asked me to name the four seasons, I answered without hesitation: Preseason, midseason, postseason and offseason.
When Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, my first thought was, "Man, where are the Saints gonna play now?" Am I proud? No, but honest.
Like the Saints, I, too, find myself in a new home this season, here at Las Vegas Weekly. For those who don't know me—I'm the news editor at the Las Vegas Sun, and I've written a football picks column there for the past decade. I'm no professional (those who do know me can readily attest to that)—I just take a fun look at the league and go with whatever darts stick to the wall from week to week. Accompanying my column each week will be the Celebrity Selectors contest, where Las Vegas celebs pick games against the point spread in hopes of winning the coveted end-of-season prize, the (cough) prestigious Golden Nerf.
Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman is the current keeper of the trophy. He's back to defend his title against these combatants: Monte Carlo master magician Lance Burton, who won the inaugural celebrity picks contest in 2001, Harrah's headliner and 2002 champ Clint Holmes, New York-New York comedian and 2003 winner Rita Rudner, Mirage impressionist Danny Gans, Rio magicians Penn & Teller, "Mr. Las Vegas," Wayne Newton, KLAS-TV Channel 8 meteorologist Kevin Janison and KMXB Mix 94.1-FM morning team Mark & Mercedes.
Picking games the first week is always difficult, at least for me. Can Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens function for the Eagles as an all-action-no-talk duo? (Suggestion: Terrell can put his Sharpie to good use and write Donovan notes between plays.) Can the Steelers run effectively with Duce Staley and Jerome Bettis sidelined with injuries? Will Chad Pennington's shoulder hold up for the Jets?
Some good teams have several question marks to open the season, so I'll start by picking against bad teams. I'll take the Broncos minus 4 against the Ricky Williams-less Dolphins, the Redskins minus 6 against the Bears and the Rams minus 5 against the 49ers.
Rita Rudner (0-0)
Steelers-Titans under 40 1/2
Jaguars -3 over Seahawks
Rams -4 1/2 over 49ers
Lance Burton (0-0)
Patriots -7 1/2 over Raiders
Chiefs -3 over Jets
Falcons +2 over Eagles
Danny Gans (0-0)
Bengals -3 1/2 over Browns
Vikings -6 over Buccaneers
Rams -4 1/2 over 49ers
Oscar Goodman (0-0)
Rams -4 1/2 over 49ers
Chargers -5 over Cowboys
Eagles -2 over Falcons
Clint Holmes (0-0)
Redskins -6 over Bears
Jaguars -3 over Seahawks
Falcons +2 over Eagles
Kevin Janison (0-0)
Rams -4 1/2 over 49ers
Seahawks +3 over Jags
Bengals -3 1/2 over Browns
Mark & Mercedes (0-0)
Rams -4 1/2 over 49ers
Bills -4 1/2 over Texans
Eagles -2 over Falcons
Wayne Newton (0-0)
Raiders +7 1/2 over Patriots
Rams -4 1/2 over 49ers
Falcons +2 over Eagles
Penn & Teller (0-0)
Steelers -7 over Titans
Vikings -6 over Buccaneers
Ravens +3 over Colts
Sal DeFilippo was a running back in the Super Bowl last year.