Cool Stuff You Don’t Need

Our top picks for enchanting, ridiculous, notable gizmos!

Liz Armstrong


Matrix Zone and Spy Chix by SAKAR

As if your kid/little brother/crazy ex-girlfriend weren't nosy and weird enough, here's a bunch of cheap but functional equipment to help along with the snooping. Products include night vision head-cam plus walkie talkie, voice-changer, "FBI bug kit" with lady bug-shaped listening device and rhinestone-encrusted lipstick listener and recorder ("pretend to touch up your lipstick while you secretly listen to and record conversations," reads the packaging), all scaled down to a child's size.



Itch Soother by P3 International

The new euphemism for vibrator, the small wand-shaped Itch Soother minimizes discomfort from a bug bite. Just press one end against the irritation, press the button on the other, and let the heating, tingling sensation ease your pain. The best thing about this gizmo is your easy, ready excuse for when you're busted: Yeah, a bug bit me down there.



Kiss Me Meter by SEJU

Give yourself a new complex—plus a compulsive way to feed it—with this "personal bad breath detector." A gust of mouth wind into this baby will rate you from "come hither" to "get the eff away" using a gentle rating system that lights up little heart icons. When it lights up all the way to the broken red heart, deep inside you know it's really mocking you, saying, You're a nasty slob.



Alcohol Tester Navigation by SEJU

It's simple really, and you have to wonder why this hasn't been readily available sooner: a GPS navigation system with built-in Breathalyzer. Brilliant. So even when you're smashed—and you know it—you won't spend precious time getting lost along a route you drunkenly concocted to avoid as many cops as possible. Does not prevent you from crashing into street poles and lamp posts.

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