Horoscopes

I’m confident that I will never again need to moonlight as a janitor or dishwasher in order to pay my bills.

Free Will Astrology

September 21st, 2016

I’m confident that I will never again need to moonlight as a janitor or dishwasher in order to pay my bills.

  • A&E

    Scorpio, my astrological divinations suggest that a lightning storm is headed your way, metaphorically speaking.

  • A&E

    Is Big Bang the best term we can come up with to reference the beginning of the universe? It sounds violent and messy.

  • A&E

    In one of my dreams last night, a Leo sensualist I know advised me to take smart pills and eat an entire chocolate cheesecake.

  • A&E

    Cancer, it's one of those rapid-fire, adjust-on-the-fly, think-on-your-feet, go-with-your-gut times for you.

  • A&E

    Your desire to solve a knotty dilemma or shed a bad influence is admirable, Sagittarius.

  • A&E

    Maybe you know people who flee from the kind of Big Bold Blankness that’s visiting you, Sagittarius, but I hope you won’t be tempted to ...

  • A&E

    You might experience a divine visitation as you clean a toilet in the coming weeks, Capricorn.

  • A&E

    Free your body, Aries!

  • A&E

    Intensify your commitment to relaxation, Scorpio.

  • A&E

    Your life has resemblances to a jigsaw puzzle that lies unassembled on a kitchen table, Gemini.

  • A&E

    Trust your exuberance, Sagittarius.

  • A&E

    July is Feed Your Willpower Month, Taurus.

  • A&E

    Don’t listen to your drunk monkey, Libra.

  • A&E

    Scorpio: Have you been lazy about saving leftover scraps from your kitchen and turning them into fertilizer? Get it together.

  • A&E

    You realized you hadn’t been playing hard enough, Aquarius, and took measures to correct the problem.

  • A&E

    “Those who demand consideration for their sacrifices were making investments, not sacrifices.” Don't be guilty of this sin, Capricorn.

  • A&E

    “Never turn down an adventure without a really good reason,” says author Rebecca Solnit in her book The Far Away Nearby.

  • A&E

    You can’t use the paddle inside the boat! It’s of no value to you unless you thrust it into the drink and move it around ...

  • A&E

    Once every year, it is healthy and wise to make an ultimate confession—to express everything you regret and bemoan in one cathartic swoop.

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  • A&E

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