1. For anyone who limited their Hard Rock Hotel revelry to Body English last night, you missed out. While the property programs the revived dance spot as the prologue of the sleepover-themed Dorm Days nightlife promo—now in its 7th year—it feels sorta tacked on given the discernible difference between the standard partying downstairs in the club (attendance: healthy, with plenty of elbow room) and the novelty congregation upstairs on the 11th floor (attendance: sardine-packed with a short line in the hallway).
2. Which makes sense, given the allure of the exclusive, 4,200-square-foot Real World Suite, ground zero for all the shenanigans that transpired in 2011 during the 25th season of MTV’s trailblazing unscripted-ish show. It’s a heckuva spot, complete with a bowling alley (favored by dancers of both the go-go and amateur variety), an enormous and oddly socializing-friendly master bathroom and a six-person spa that was largely the domain of some dude in his skivvies.
3. As such, the party in the suite wasn’t as sensual as the theme or its marketing suggested. When aforementioned dude wasn’t waiting for willing girls to join him, the spa sat mostly vacant. Bedrooms merely served as quieter places to congregate (which, frankly, provided occasional and welcome respite from the crowded common areas). The music was often too main-roomy or banging to accommodate genuine sexytime grooving (evidence: a raucous mashup of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Smack My Bitch Up”)—and when anyone did indulge in some dirty dancing, things approached hot-mess levels, as in the case of the one couple who so overcompensated in the twerking department that you wanted to tell them to get not a room, but a cold shower.
4. Also contributing to the libidinous-lite atmosphere was a lack of costumed patrons. Only a handful of uninhibited girls wore their nighties, or anything resembling lingerie, and a few game dudes sported silly bathrobes or jammie bottoms. Otherwise, dress code favored jeans, tees and sneakers, which helped split Dorm Days between the collegiate theming inherent to its name and its provocative slumber-party ambitions.
5. That said, kudos to promoters and participants in making the general atmosphere of the 11th floor so accurately dorm-like, from the open-door rooms with blasting music and black-lit mood lighting, to the lively bodies crisscrossing the hallway, to those crouching on its floor while talking on their phones with one finger in their ear, to (kudos stop here) the vomit we passed on our way to our own room, which was mercifully in a wing on the opposite end of the property. Because while it was nice to go revisit those resident-hall days of my youth, the grown-up me preferred to spend my dawn dreamtime sans earplugs.