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Three jokes from Jerry Seinfeld

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Jerry Seinfeld returns to the Colosseum on Dec. 26-27.
Jim Cooper, AP

Seinfeld gave us “man-hands,” “yada-yada-yada” and “spongeworthy.” It spawned a chain of soup restaurants, a website that uses episodes to explain economics and, most recently, a spinoff centering on Jackie Chiles, Kramer’s smash-mouth attorney. But despite the series’ outsize influence, Jerry Seinfeld has laid low by Hollywood standards, favoring the low-glamour medium that often bookended the sitcom: standup comedy. More than a decade later, his new material is still worth checking out. As a teaser to his upcoming engagement here, we tracked down the three best jokes you likely haven’t heard:

Calendar

Jerry Seinfeld
Dec. 26-27, 7:30 p.m., $75-$150
The Colosseum, 866-1400

„ “Arguing with your wife is like being on a game show and you’re always in the lightning round. I’ll take ‘Details of a 10-minute conversation we had eight years ago at 3 a.m.’ for $800, Alex.”

•' “I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can’t smell it. Can’t eat it. Can’t taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, ‘Well, here it is. You can’t have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.’”

• “I don’t like ‘great’ restaurants. I don’t want to hear the specials. If they’re so special, put ’em on the menu. I don’t want any auditioning foods. When they make the real show, then I will eat them.”

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John P. McDonnall

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