Stephen, if our staunch anti-bear stance isn’t enough to persuade you to bring your show to Las Vegas for a week, the staff of Las Vegas Weekly would like to entice you further:

• We’ve done our part to Keep Fear Alive by turning Circus Circus’ Adventuredome Theme Park into Fright Dome, a demonic big top populated by possessed clowns and chain saw-wielding banshees.

• We make Barry Manilow perform at a Paris-themed hotel.

• If you come, you’ll get an embarrassingly praise-filled Las Vegas Weekly cover story, and—I don’t think I’m even remotely exaggerating here—Mayor Goodman will name a street after you.

• We’ve already reserved a table for Ching Chong Ding Dong at Gold Coast’s Ping Pang Pong.

• No Rain in the desert.