Here’s my only question about our city’s new “ultra gun lounge”—a shooting range where patrons will be trained by sexy “Gun Girls”: What the hell took so long? Seriously, we’ve sexed up everything else. We sexed up our pirate hotel (Sirens of TI), we sexed up our mayorship (Oscar’s showgirls), and we sexed up our blackjack tables (Pleasure Pits), so what was the holdup with gun ranges? Machine Guns Vegas is set to open in mid-December behind the Mirage with Gun Girls certified through the NRA. There won’t be alcohol, but if you develop a crush on the woman assisting you with your firearm, you can always buy her a Louis Vuitton gun accessory, available for purchase in the gift shop. And after you finish shooting your Osama bin Laden-shaped target, you can spend a couple minutes pondering, “What else can we sex up?” I’m thinking helicopter tours and airport baggage claim. Turned on yet? I, for one, don’t get the whole boobs and bikinis thing. Back at the University of Michigan, I dated the president of the College Libertarians, who took me to the firing range. Easily the No. 1 least sexy thing I’ve ever done. Which is good. Arousal is distracting. And the worst time to be distracted is when you’re shooting a gun. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, MGV.
Wed, Nov 2, 2011 (4:13 p.m.)