As We See It

Mormon missionaries are taking to the Internet but ‘God’ is already online

God's Twitter avi looks just like you thought it would.

They’re always on their bicycles in their Sunday best, cruising for souls who might be interested in joining the faith. They’re my neighborhood’s Mormon missionaries, and I’ve gotten used to seeing them—and politely avoiding eye contact. They get that a lot, which is why the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is taking proselytizing online. Less random park scoping means more time to reach potential converts through social media, blogs and emails. The Mormons might be a little behind the curve, though, as the Internet has long been a bastion of connecting directly to the man upstairs (i.e. some guy with a laptop on a couch in Cleveland).

@god On Twitter, the King of Kings isn’t much of a moral compass. He admires Medusa’s tits and says things like: “I demand that Stephen Hawking stop sounding like a Speak & Spell and reprogram his voice to sound like Chris Rock!”

/TheGoodLordAbove On Facebook, the Almighty issues new commandments (“Thou shalt legalize gay marriage”) and solicits candidates for smiting (Paula Deen and “Most of Texas”). He also shares cat photos and explains why he created mosquitoes.

Advice God As a meme, God is pretty much Grumpy Cat with a longer beard. Some of his recent advice: “Don’t pray for a bike, I won’t give it to you. Steal a bike and pray for forgiveness, I can give you that.”

God’s Blog It appears that more than ruminating on Canadian Thanksgiving or why dragons didn’t pan out, the Lord just really wants to know what Kirk Cameron is thinking.

Tags: Opinion
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Erin Ryan

Erin got her first newspaper job in 2002 thanks to a campfire story about Bigfoot. In her award-winning work for ...

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