Get your flag here (legal drinkers and gamblers only)

Stars, stripes and mature adults. That’s what Memorial Day is all about.
Photo: Leo Reynolds / Flickr

While there’s lots of talk of bikinis and skin in advance of this weekend’s Memorial Day orgy, the most fashionable swath of fabric to sport from Friday to Monday isn’t bedazzled, sequined or ironically hip. (Go easy on the plaid, ok?) Its only spangles are 50 white stars, and the tri color design couldn’t be more classic. Literally, the American flag is one of the oldest images in the history of the United States.

And what goes better with the old red, white and blue than an American-sized cocktail or a big stack of chips? That’s right, nothing. Which is why the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino is outfitting folks with free flags this weekend in honor of Memorial Day and American troops killed in the line of duty, but only folks old enough to purchase booze and drop money at the tables. Some might call it ageism; we just call it good business.

Sure, little kids are cute – especially ones with ice cream-smeared faces and lots of freckles – but this is Vegas, and nothing reminds you that it’s been 40 hours straight of smoking, drinking and gambling like the innocently sober face of a child. And a kid waving a flag? Forget it. You’d have a whole casino running out the door to volunteer for the National Guard or grill burgers for homeless vets. Good for the vets, bad for the business.

So, like Makers Mark and good strip clubs, the star-spangled symbolic textile giveaway is reserved for 21-year-olds and their elders only. Don’t worry, kids, you’ll understand when you’re older. Now lick that ice cream before it gets all over your shirt.

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