Be a BAMF: A man’s kitchen survival guide

Jet Tila

Okay, let’s face it: A dude that cooks is gonna go places in life.

All stages of his dude-hood would be complimented by the ability to throw down in the kitchen. The young dude cooks for the family to help out. College dude is cooking because eating out isn’t cheap, and it’s a total turn on for girls when a dude throws down in the kitchen. Post college dude will be date cooking to find the one he wants to settle down with (and to get some from those he just wants to mess around with). WHAT?! That second part was my inner voice. Whoops!

Now, date cooking accomplishes a lot of things. Why do you take the girl out to a fancy dinner and drinks? Well, to get to know her ... blah blah blah. But check it, you can save $200-300 and accomplished your goal by making a great dinner with a nice bottle of wine for about $70. And you’ll impress the hell out of her, bro. Anyway, dating dude will eventually become married dude and family dude, and there’s something super satisfying about making a badass meal for your family. It’s primal, like I just went out and killed and cooked dinner for my clan. I am a BAMF! Hear me roar! Do you want to be one too? Here are the five quintessential things an up and coming BAMF cooking dude needs:

1. A badass chef's knife! This is the totem that the man is judged upon in the kitchen. This is his Excalibur that he will do battle with. It's the culinary extension of his you-know-what. A man's chef's knife is like his car; it should say everything about him.

2. A good meat thermometer/timer combo. A dude cooks dude food like steaks, roasts, prime ribs, and occasionally he has to roast big ass birds like turkeys and chickens. There is only one true way to tell if meat is done and it's by temperature! Sure, a master chef can poke and feel his way to doneness, but the novice should live and die by the degree. You never know, it might make the difference between impressing her and sending her to the doctor with uncooked chicken or pork!

3. A bitchin’ wine key Dude, you’re an adult now. It's time to properly learn how to open a bottle of wine. When you have that lady friend over and are fumbling with a bottle of Cab and a crappy wine key, you are not gonna close the deal! Your wine key should be like your timepiece; spend some extra shekels on it and it will tell the world you are a sophisticated grown up now. After she hits the road, you can reach into the hidden spot in your fridge for that frosty PBR and celebrate.

4. A nice set of pots and pans You need a non-stick omelet pan, a large sauté pan, a large saucier, and a roasting pan. Forget the 20 piece BS; this is all you need to be the master of your culinary domain. And if you’re smart, pick them up little by little during sales. Find a line you like and stick with it; don’t be a one of this kind and one of that kind dude! Go for something stainless steel, 3-ply and heavy duty! An omelet pan for the morning after, if you like her, and for roasting some spices. A large sauté pan does almost everything you need; the saucier is perfect for making soup, stock or sauces. And, finally, the roasting pan for those times you wanna get primal and roast large pieces of animal flesh.

5. A cool bistro apron This is not a butcher apron that goes over the head. The bistro apron (around the waist) will make it look like you are the shizz in da kitchen. A butcher apron will make you look like a culinary gumby novice, all thumbs, no skills. And don’t get white—total amateur mistake. Get a dark gray or black. Appear mysterious dude! Let's face it; protecting your designer jeans is more important than your t-shirt!

Finally, invest in some cooking classes and practice and before you know it, you will be killing the females! So the next time you have that fine lady over for dinner and you are impressing the crap out of her, remember who helped you look like a BAMF in the kitchen: Your homie, Chef Jet.


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