The weakest Weekly birthday

We would have appreciated one of these.
Photo: Erik Kabik/Retna/

Break out the paper plates and party hats. It’s time for a belated birthday party for yours truly! Not me, I was obviously born in April; I’m talking about the Weekly, of course.

According to a completely reliable source (by that we mean our MySpace profile) yesterday was our birthday. The social networking site now has us listed as 25 years old, which would definitely help the car insurance on our ‘85 Geo Metro. Of course, most people know we’re not really in our mid-20s. We’re only 11, but that’s a lot less sexy, and a lot more illegal.

Either way, we’re a little upset that almost everyone forgot. We didn’t receive any birthday cards. No cakes were delivered to the Weekly offices, which are at 2360 Corporate Circle, Henderson, NV 89074, in case you want to rectify that mistake. (And don’t try to get away with carrot cake. We want ours veggie-free, thank you.) Hell, nobody even bought us a drink.

Lucky for us, a few people remembered, probably thanks to that annoying “birthday reminder” e-mail that MySpace sends out every week. So, in honor of MySpace, here are our Top Five birthday shout-outs. We tried to come up with eight, but apparently we’re not that loved.

1. Las Vegas Gifts and left us a happy birthday comment, but failed to give us a gift. A little weak for a company that specializes in gifts, but we appreciate the gesture. (Cirque du Soleil forgot entirely, so only one Soleil is on our nice list right now.)

2. “From one magazine to another,” Graf-X Illustrated congratulated us for surviving another year. We’re still waiting for CityLife’s belated birthday card.

3. A 39-year-old owl named Patch left us a comment wishing us a happy birthday before telling us he (she? it?) is coming to Vegas “soon.” Give us a call when you get here, Patch. We promise we’ll take you to Hooters, show you a bird’s eye view of the Strip from the Stratosphere and make at least 100 bad avian jokes during your visit.

4. Someone named J.A. Etchison from Atlanta, Georgia, hopes God blesses us with many more birthdays and wanted to know how we celebrated. The short answer: We didn’t. We forgot, too. Oops.

5. Three different nightclub promoters sent us happy birthday messages, before promptly informing us that we could, and should, spend our birthday buying a table and a few bottles in their nightclubs. Shameless self-promotion? We dig that.

We also do that! Friend us on MySpace. Become a fan of us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter. If you do, maybe you won’t forget about our birthday next year.


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