Texting vs. calling.

Ansari said the latter is so outdated, he called someone who responded, “Are you on fire? No? Then text me that shit.”

Kanye West.

Ansari asked West why he was living in a hotel and not his NYC apartment. “My shower’s broke,” he responded. “Anyone else, your shower’s broken, you call a plumber. Kanye’s like, ‘Let’s get the fuck outta here.’”

R. Kelly.

After seeing R. Kelly define “echo” in conjunction with his new video, Ansari wondered, “How do we get R. Kelly in touch with the Merriam-Webster people in order to start funding for an online R. Kelly video dictionary. I would love to type in ‘cheeseburger,” and then R. Kelly pops up, like, ‘All right, y’all, some of you don’t know what a cheeseburger is. Cheeseburger is, like, when you go to McDonald’s and you order a cheeseburger? That’s a cheeseburger.”