Your calendar includes not only TV appearances and stand-up dates, but lectures. The lecture usually is a charity group, so you want to address the problem they’re there to solve. If it’s something for, say, suicide, I’ll talk about suicide a little, just how to survive. But that has nothing to do with what goes on in Las Vegas, where I want people to laugh more than they’ve laughed in two years.

Joan & Melissa, we’re filming in Las Vegas this time. One of my assistants is renewing her vows, and we have all her bridesmaids coming. They’re going to wear the original dresses, which is hilarious because half of them can’t fit in them. And Melissa and I are giving her away.

You’ve already got a dozen U.K. dates lined up for next October. Is it a different mind-set when you go over there? No, the world is very much one world now, like it or not. Fashion Police is now in 170 countries. So 170 countries know who Justin Bieber is. Everybody sees the same movies. We all know Kate Middleton got married, we all know Pippa’s got a big ass, we all have the same frame of reference.

What’s the minimum amount you sleep a night? I don’t. Fashion Police is taped in California. Joan & Melissa, we’re now a full production filming in California. My Joan Rivers jewelry [QVC collection] is in New York. So I sleep on the plane. I’m asleep before the wheels go up.