Thursday, November 13, 1 a.m.
"Twas the night before Kissmas and things just got freaky …” The emcee calls the room to attention and reads from the invitation to Merry Kissmas, Rok Vegas’ four-week girl-on-girl kissing contest. Very apropos, as Katy Perry performed “I Kissed a Girl” live at the club’s grand opening not long ago. Blame it on that provocative song or blame it on the economy; either way, it’s incredibly ironic that two clubs should decide to capitalize the exact same week on the gratuitous girl-on-girl kissing that goes on in clubs. It’s going to happen anyway. Why not drag it out of the VIP booths and into the spotlight? A ravenous crowd has turned up to show their overwhelming approval.
Like other contests and supposed giveaways, this one isn’t as simple as it seems on the flier. The emcee explains, “We here at Rok Vegas are sick and tired of going to industry parties and seeing girls that don’t work 90-plus hours a week go home with thousands of dollars in cash, boob jobs, cars, vacations, hair-removal surgery, exotic animals, etc. …” I don’t remember hearing of a girl winning a liger or anything, but I can see hosts feeling a little jaded. So this event is truly all about the guys. The male VIP host whose team of girls wins the most kissing points, and who sells the most bottles throughout the contest (for another club!), wins $7,500 cash. Bloody genius.
Mounting the stage with my partner, Arianna, and the rest of The Bank’s team, Diedra and Giselle, I receive shocked looks the whole way. I desperately want a snogging strategy, a get-down game plan, but, “Oh, don’t worry,” Arianna nods knowingly. “I’m going to get into it!” Apparently, I’m in good hands! Hawaiian Tropic Zone’s team kick things off fast and furiously, devouring one another. A little more hot mess than hotness. And now it’s our turn.
We take our places as our team leader Jason Shotts cheers us on. “Bring it home for daddy!” he calls out. It’s then that I suddenly forget how to kiss. And how to swallow my gum. Wait, are my lips chapped? How’s my breath?? But there’s no time for details. And … we’re kissing. Whoa! This is interesting. Not sexual per se, but different. And slooooow. When the emcee calls time, we linger, which pleases many. “You guys looked fuckin’ hot,” says one girl once we catch our breath. Success! I stagger to a seat.
We watch Revolution, Tao, Lavo, Jet and Playboy take their turns at bat, but I’m in an altered state, not so much from the kissing, but from the adrenaline surge of uncharacteristic, brazen exhibitionism. Someone finally has to tell me we came in third after Tao/Lavo for their reenactment of a Roman orgy, and Blush for sheer stamina. By this time next week, I will have returned for Round 2. But first, a little reconnaissance …
Monday, November 17, 1 a.m.
The girls at Body English get counsel from their eager male friends at the top of the stairs. Dressed up like Britney Spears à la “... Baby One More Time,” Elizabeth and her friend Michelle have been Vegas residents for all of one week. “Look cute and have fun,” says one of the pair’s strategy; “We’ve done this before,” assures the other. This time, there is $5,000 in cash and prizes on the line. Monroe and Emma are also natives, both tall, feisty and blonde. KOMP 92.3-FM’s Gooch wields the mic as he cycles through the girls, pitting twosome against twosome for crowd applause. “I’m gonna beat the crap out of her,” one says, just before their turn. But the violent lady-love doesn’t win over the crowd, and they are dismissed, as are a pair resembling Hef’s new twins. Everyone keeps asking, “Have we really come to this?!” The answer is an enthusiastic “Yep!”
Not surprisingly, the two groups dressed up as Catholic schoolgirls constitute the finalists. The ringers, Sally and Rikki—who have an elaborately choreographed routine and costumes perfected down to the stiff ruler Rikki raps impatiently on a manicured hand—take on the Lolita-esque Elizabeth and Michelle, and much to everyone’s shock, innocence prevails. Note to self for next Wednesday at Rok: When kissing another girl for money or applause, ladies, slow and steady wins the race.