Conflicted, confused and just plain too long, The Girl Next Door is a movie at odds with itself. It begins as a reasonably enjoyable and surprisingly sweet romance, but before long, it develops a severe case of schizophrenia, meandering off in countless directions. Along the way, it borrows freely from numerous, better romantic comedies.
As innocent high-schooler Matthew, Emile Hirsch is reminiscent of Fred Savage in The Wonder Years. Apparently, he's studied hard enough to gain acceptance into the prestigious Georgetown University, but otherwise he's a dreamer. While his schoolmates cut class to head to the beach, he wishes for the courage to do so. Repeatedly, his daydreams are cleverly exploited for comic effect.
Seemingly conjured from his imagination, free-spirited Danielle (Elisha Cuthbert) moves in next door. When he asks this dream girl about her past, she replies that she's quit her old job to start her life anew. If she told him the truth, that she is an ex-porn star, it would probably crack his sensitive, sheltered mind.
Of course, they fall for each other. The pairing of naïve and experienced, uninhibited and introverted, has been cranked off the assembly line at rom-com factories since Risky Business, and before. Danielle is from Pretty Woman, with the mixed emotions of Chasing Amy. Matthew lives inside his head as John Cusack did in Better Off Dead, flanked by geek friends from Sixteen Candles. But the two leads make it work—for a while.
Before long, Danielle's old manager, Kelly (Timothy Olyphant), domineers her to Vegas, trying to lure her back into the fold. Matthew heroically summons his courage to brave the clichéd characters at the Adult Entertainment Awards, convincing her to return home. It would be a fitting finale, but the movie just won't end.
From there, the plot takes on more twists and turns than a David Mamet thriller, and you stop caring about the likeable, but thin, characters. Danielle disappears for most of the second half, leaving Olyphant's refreshing subversion of a stereotypical slimeball as the only life in the picture.
The movie is best described by Danielle herself. When her attempts at breaking Matthew out of his shell cause a less than amusing response, she protests, "It's a little funny."