STATE OF THE CITY |
Feeling List-less? Read This! It's the most obsessive-compulsive time of the year, a time when the nitpickiest of us release the Rain Man within and begin categorizing everything into lists. That's surely one of 10 Things We Do This Time of Year: make lists. But I'll spare you the other nine, as part of my unspoken list of things we really ought not list. So marching forth everywhere, including innumerable times in recent pages of this esteemed publication, are lists that aim to sum up 2003 in some tidy form. It's as if the full 365 days and their individual whims, itches, warm glances, songs-stuck-in-the-head and letters to grandma boil down to almost nothing—to, most commonly, (and if you think about it, quite astoundingly), exactly 10 things. It could be troubling to analyze our psychological need to tidy up a messy 365 days' worth of humanity and lack thereof into prim lists; it might even prompt a list of 10 Things Freud Would Say About This, so we'll skip the analysis. Besides, we're grooving on the lists. It's one of 10 Things We're Grooving On Right Now: lists, holiday leftovers, football... So what a boon it was to open up the December 28 edition of the Review-Journal and find this forgotten stockingful of lists: There's a list of Doug Elfman's 10 favorite concerts, of Heidi Knapp Rinella's 10 favorite restaurants, of Mike Weatherford's 10 favorite Vegas shows, of Ken White's 10 favorite TV shows, of Carol Cling's 10 favorite movies. Then there's the R-J's sports' staff's top 10 sports stories, the business staff's top 10 local business stories, the Associated Press' top 10 national business stories, the metro desk's top 10 local news stories, John L. Smith's bottom 10 news stories; Knight-Ridders' top 40 outstanding books—20 fiction, 20 non-fiction—and the Associated Press' top 10 news stories. (For anyone who feels compelled to count those lists, there are 12, I think; although I'm not sure, there seem to be other lists buried in text I don't plan to read; text is less accessible; I prefer lists.) So here's to the listmakers. As we leap into the fresh calendar with lists of resolutions in hand— of goals, of Things We Meant To Do Last Year But Didn't, of Things We Probably Won't Do This Year But Which Make Nice Lists—there is one assumption we can make: No matter what we do or fail to do, it will somehow turn out to look like exactly like a Top Ten list by year's end. So our New Year's wish is: May we produce a generous heap of oddball, ill-fitting, soupy goodness for next year's lists; and may it be indivisible by 10.
Stacy J. Willis |
Sure, Bush Caught a Vicious War Criminal, Yada Yada Yada. But What About the Economy? And Our Shopping Habits?
Number of jobs that were supposed to have been created in Nevada between June and November, 2003, under Bush's "Jobs and Growth" tax cut :
32,300
Number of jobs that were actually created:
22,300
Percentage by which job growth in Nevada has been less than working-age population growth since 2001:
3.9
Number of jobs nationally by which the administration fell short of its goal:
1 million.
Number of states that have lost manufacturing jobs since 2001:
48
Number of unemployed Americans:
9 million
Percentage of Americans who planned to spend more on this holiday season than the last, according to a Gallup poll:
77
Sign Away Your Rights or Belt Out a Little Ditty? (Who Knows—It's Mac King)
From a news release announcing magician Mac King's latest attempt to break the world record for the longest game of telephone:
"All participants must be 18 years or older, and willing to sing a publicity waiver."
The Anonymous Quote We Hate Most
From the Boston Globe in a December 28 story about Las Vegas as a terrorist target:
"Everybody knows that Las Vegas is something of a soft target because there are so many outdoor attractions on the Strip that can never be secured," said a board member with the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority who asked not to be named. "A truck bomb at a busy intersection is almost impossible to prevent, and bam—our economy's dead."
The Anonymous (Paraphrased) Quote We Hate Second Most
From Norm!'s December 28 column:
"Jackson insiders say that the singer and his sister Janet are both considering moves to Las Vegas ..."
I Was a Dupe for TV News!
A friend who wishes to remain anonymous writes:
So there I was Saturday night, inexplicably watching Channel 13's late news—normally I'd tune into the Paint Drying Channel before I'd watch 13, but I think my remote was busted—when dire words emerged from the hairstyles, warning of a possible gasoline shortage in the Valley. Seems the pipeline that brings the car juice in from California was damaged in the holiday mudslides. The message was clear: Gas up now!
The spouse and I looked at each other. Should we believe them? I mean, they had trustworthy-looking hair. Both our cars had less than a quarter-tank. Should we rush out to fill 'em up before word spread? Since the Paint Drying Channel had never led us astray, we reasoned that we could trust TV this time, too.
We raced to the Squeegee Mart, or whatever it's called, around the corner, where there were precisely no other cars vying for the precious fuel. I'd like to take that more as a sign of Channel 13's limited viewership than as an indication of my gullibility, and so I will. "Probably no one's watching 13," I said. Spouse nodded.
By now, of course, the truth is clear: Channel 13 has a limited viewership and I'm gullible. Turns out the mudslides exposed the pipeline, which had to be shut down until Monday morning for maintenance. No crisis. No skyrocketing gas prices. [
Editor's note:
Calls to several gasoline retailers revealed that none had even heard of the pipeline interruption, let alone suffered from it.] At least I had two full tanks and the knowledge that I can, if I have to, act decisively in the event of a crisis, even if there isn't one.
Hot Videos of Barbara Walters At C2K!
A faxed press release that makes various accusations against the former operators of the Venetian's C2K showroom was sent to Vegas media on December 29. The letterhead and address claimed that the release emanated from the famed website Thesmokinggun.com.
But editor William Bastone said his site had nothing to do with the press release. "It's a total fabrication that was made to look like it was coming from our shop. We had nothing to do with it. We know nothing about it. We don't send out press releases, anyway. This is a complete fraud. We first learned about it when someone from Vegas called to ask us about it."
Even without Bastone's denial, readers of the release should have been suspicious. For example, the release claims that the former showroom operators were selling bootleg videos of private C2K events on eBay. These events included such hot stuff as corporate motivational speeches by the likes of hired guns Erin Brockovich, Barbara Walters and one "Rudy Juliani."
What a relief, though, that at a time when so much in our world is uncertain, it is still safe to ignore any press release that claims that there is a market for bootlegs of Barbara Walters' speeches.
Jane Ann Staves Off Cable TV; Industry Mourns
The Review Journal's Jane Ann Morrison is a beacon of hope to us all. In her December 29 column, she takes a break from her reaction to the weeks-old teapot tempest about using sex in Vegas advertising to offer us a glimpse into her home life.
"As one of the last holdouts against cable TV ..." she says of herself.
We say kudos to you, Jane. Kudos! Keep beating the devil back from your doorstep, Jane! And while you're at it, watch out for that telegraph machine. It's not to be trusted.