With less than a week before Christmas, you're either nursing paper cuts from wrapping presents or frantically trolling Amazon for a gift that doesn't say "I bought this yesterday and had to pay extra for overnight shipping." Rest easy. The Weekly has done the searching for you this December and has plenty of thoughtful, affordable gifts for everyone you didn't care enough about to plan for. Now, go out there and consume!
Dragon Garden or Antonio's Pizza? The Takeout Menu Organizer makes life's tough decisions a snap.
Takeout Menu Organizer
You friend loves food, but has no time to cook. Or doesn't feel like it. Or is only capable of making Easy Mac and box brownies. Man cannot live on Easy Mac and box brownies alone! But when you hang out at her house and she says, "Hey, let's order something!" you cringe. It's not that you mind takeout, it's just that her kitchen drawer of tri-folds and flyers is so cluttered you know it's going to take a good 20 minutes to remember which Chinese restaurant screwed you over on the fortune cookies last time. The Takeout Menu Organizer is the perfect solution. The hardcover three-ring binder helps classify menus by types of cuisine, with pockets for storage, a record sheet for rating your takeout experience and space for notes. Inside the cover is a reference guide on tipping and takeout tips and a handy-dandy notepad to jot down the order before calling it in. Takeout Menu Organizer, $26.00. As a companion gift, consider ordering the book How to get Fat, $4.98. Both available online at knockknock.biz.
Most presidents look better with green 'fros.
Chia Obama
Remember those commercials for Ch-ch-ch-chia Pets? Make good on your threat to buy your friends decorative planters with the Proud to be an American Chia series! With a little revisionist history, all sorts of important figures now sport green Afros. Check out Chia George Washington, Chia Abraham Lincoln, Chia Statue of Liberty and... wait for it... Chia Hillary Clinton and Chia Barack Obama! (To be honest, Ms. Clinton looks better blonde.) Hipsters will love them, and remember, if you don't buy one, you obviously hate America and the terrorists win. Chia Obama is $19.95 plus $7.95 shipping and handling, or you'll probably be able to find one at the local corner drug store near the Snuggies. Available at chiaobama.com.
Michael Jackson cardboard cutout
We'll always remember 2009 as the year the world lost beloved and reviled music icon Michael Jackson. Help his memory moonwalk into 2010 with a life-sized cardboard cutout for your favorite music fan. Not only does the King of Pop deserve to be immortalized in a large paper product, but now you can actually show off your "Thriller" imitation to someone not reflected in your bathroom mirror. Michael Jackson cutout, $31.88. Available at http://www.incrediblegifts.com/.
Shake it like an Instax picture.
Fujifilm Instax Camera
When Polaroid announced in early 2008 that it was abandoning the production of instant film, a nation of devoted insta-image lovers wailed to the heavens (and formed Web sites like SavePolaroid.com). Even with digital cameras cropping up on anything with an power button, there's something magical about taking a picture that you can physically hold in your hand just a few minutes later. Enter Fujifilm's Instax camera. Essentially a Polaroid camera repackaged for the 21st century, this sleek white hand-held spits out credit card-sized photos faster than you can say, "This picture will never be posted to Facebook." Instax Mini 7S, $84.95, available at bhphotovideo.com.
There are no words.
Some people are impossible to please. So don't try. For that person on your list grinchier than the Grinch, there's Regretsy.com. Filled with what-were-they-thinking? items from handmade craft marketplace Etsy.com, the aptly named site is the perfect place to find a gift that will render someone speechless. If they don't like it, well, that's half the fun. At least they'll never forget the year they received a seven-inch reusable cloth menstrual pad with dogs printed on it.
Can you cut me a piece of Dallas? Sadly, no Nevada version is available.
Texas Waffle Maker
They say everything's bigger in Texas, which would suggest that the waffles produced by a Texas-shaped waffle iron would be some of the biggest, fluffiest waffles every to be smudged with butter and doused with syrup. I smell a delicious Christmas breakfast coming. Big. Texas. Waffles. Got it? Texas Waffle Maker, $49.95. Also consider picking up a box Texas Corn Bread Waffle Mix for a truly Textastic breakfast, $5.95. Both available at texaswafflemaker.com.
Slinky - still good after all these years.
Classic Metal Slinky
In an increasingly complicated world, sometimes it helps to remember the simple things in life - like the Slinky. The metal, helical spring turns stairwells into playgrounds without anyone zooming headfirst toward the bottom step. It's the kind of gift that reminds you less can be more and that somewhere behind your foreclosed home and plummeting credit score, the kid in you can still crack a smile. Target is selling these bits of American nostalgia for only a few bucks. Pick one up. You need it. Classic metal slinky comes in a retro-fabulous box, $3.14. Available at Target.com.
Be your own designer this Christmas.
Design Your Own Dress
You don't sew, can't follow a pattern and take your T-shirts to the dry cleaners, but every time you turn on Launch My Line you're left thinking, "I could do that." Channel your inner Christian Siriano with Studio 28 Couture, a Web site where you can build a fierce dress for you or a friend piece by pro-rated piece. Prices vary depending on fabrics and details chosen, but just remember, this is couture dahling, and you don't want to create a hot tranny mess. Available at studio28couture.com.
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