Lose weight. Travel more. Less Facebook. Learn to dance; learn another language; learn to play an instrument. At the beginning of every year, many of us make promises to ourselves that we’ll do something big and life-changing in the 12 months to come, and a few of us—very, very few—actually pull it off. But we keep making New Year’s resolutions anyway, perhaps because the rest of New Year’s Eve is pure, boozy abandon, and New Year’s Day essentially one big hangover. How better to give these days meaning than to sit down with drink or aspirin in hand and make a to-do list full of intended hard work?
It probably won’t surprise you to learn that we’ve been making these promises to—and demands of—ourselves for a very long time. And you’ll surely be even less surprised to learn that New Year’s resolutions usually don’t stick. Nevertheless, let’s explore their history and efficacy together. I promised myself we would.
PRAYERS AND PROMISES
New Year’s resolutions began in the ancient world, with promises made to the gods. Some 4,000 years ago, the Babylonians observed the new year with a festival called Akitu, held in late March/early April (when they planted the year’s crops). Part of the celebration was making a promise to the gods to repay all the money and return all the items you’d borrowed the year before. (Another part of the celebration: The head priest would slap the king hard in the face; if he didn’t tear up, he could rule for another year.)
Later—just over 2,000 years ago—the Romans began making annual promises of good conduct to their two-faced god Janus, believing that one of his faces looked into your past and the other to the year ahead. Julius Caesar helped to keep the date fresh in everyone’s mind: His revamped solar calendar, created with the help of Greek scholars in 45 B.C., began with the all-new, Janus-friendly month of January.
And in the early 18th century, Christians began the practice of devoting the last night of the year to praying and making promises to improve in the year ahead. Some faiths call it Covenant Renewal Service, others Watchnight Mass. And others—many, many nonreligious others—call it “This time, for sure.”
WHY RESOLUTIONS FAIL (AND HOW THEY CAN SUCCEED)
In a 2018 article in Psychology Today, mental health clinician, educator and advocate Dr. Shainna Ali spelled out four succinct reasons why you didn’t learn a second language or take up yoga even though, between New Year’s Eve drinks, you clearly told yourself that you would. (Exact figures vary across studies, but the consensus figure of failed resolutions seems to be in the 80% range).
To paraphrase: 1. Your goals are too vague, and need clarification; 2. Change can be overwhelming, and it can be difficult to know even where to begin; 3. It’s too easy to become discouraged when that change doesn’t happen immediately; 4. You’re simply not ready to change, at least not in the ways you’ve set forth. “It may simply mean that they are not the goals that matter the most to you at this present time,” Ali wrote.
In a 2019 Psychology Today article, psychotherapist and instructor Amy Morin offered further insight: “When people launch their resolution on January 1st, they are making a change based on a calendar date when they think they are prepared to change their lives. … What are the chances that you’re going to be ready for the action stage at exactly the same time the calendar rolls over to a new year?” She suggested that radical changes to your habits should wait until you’ve made the necessary preparations, weighed all the pros and cons, and moved forward only when you’re ready. “Whether that means you wait a few days or you put off launching your goal for a few months, delaying your goal is better than abandoning it altogether,” she wrote.
MY, UM, NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
This past year has given me lots and lots of time to think about changes to my thinking and routines, and once 2021 gives me that literal shot in the arm, there are a few things I’d like to do differently. But I’m taking the experts’ advice and doing things I’m ready to do, with an open-ended timeline that might stretch over months. Feel free to pinch these.
1. Perform more mitzvahs. The common definition of this Hebrew word is “selfless good deeds.” We could all stand to do good things for friends—or complete strangers!—without an expectation of getting anything in return. (Though it can be argued that if enough people get on this bandwagon, eventually someone will perform a mitzvah for you, too.)
2. Get moving again. I didn’t say “lose weight” or “gain definition,” though I’d take either of those. Like many of you, I’ve spent much of the past year stuck in place, and I’m looking forward to getting back to a regular workout routine and to doing the things that don’t seem like exercise, even though they are: long walks through museums and theme parks, pub crawl bike rides with friends, awkward dancing at the final stop of those bike rides. Little by little, I’ll reclaim this static year.
3. Give myself a break. I’m tired of giving myself a hard time over all the stuff I haven’t done. 2020 has demonstrated, time and again, that simple day-to-day living can be hard to pull off sometimes. We demand hundreds of things of ourselves daily, and they don’t always look like climbing mountains or writing autobiographies. Getting through a day unscathed is enough; getting through a day with even the smallest of accomplishments—cleaning out a drawer, getting the oil changed—is a plus. Simply living with intention can be plenty.
