Best drunken duet: “Can’t Smile Without You,” from Hellboy II: The Golden Army.
Best performance as an insane guy with eerie, worldly wisdom: Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight & Michael Shannon in Revolutionary Road (tie).
Most affecting portrayal of terminal perkiness: Anna Faris in The House Bunny & Amy Adams in Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day (tie).
Best dream girlfriend for angst-ridden young men: Olivia Thirlby in The Wackness & Kat Dennings in Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist (tie).
Best drug dealer: James Franco in Pineapple Express.
Worst drug dealer: Josh Peck in The Wackness.
Worst script device: “Okay, potential slumdog millionaire, why don’t you head to the restroom for a few minutes while you consider your answer to this life-changing question?”
Worst approximation of casually racist dialogue in the entire history of film: Gran Torino. Or as we like to call it, Listen Eggroll.
Best argument against letting actors sing: Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia!
Best argument against letting singers act: Beyoncé Knowles in Cadillac Records.
Best use of multiple F-bombs: In Bruges.
Best use of directorial fiat: Werner Herzog, cutting off one of his Encounters at the End of the World interview subjects in mid-sentence with a weary “Her story goes on forever ...”
Best scare tactic: The Strangers’ masked strangers terrorize poor Liv Tyler with a skipping Joanna Newsom track.
The Showgirls award for the year’s best so-bad-it’s-good movie: Dario Argento’s Mother of Tears.
Best representation of the tortured soul of a vampire: Epic Dracula puppet musical A Taste for Love, from Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Worst representation of the tortured soul of a vampire: Twilight.
Best, or possibly worst, deliberate omission: Man on Wire, about Philippe Petit’s tightrope walk between the Twin Towers in 1974, never once so much as glancingly alludes to 9/11.