Puscifer

Instead of vampire gear, you wear: Shaved head, dark sunglasses, cowboy hat. Avoid direct eye contact.

Instead of "trick or treat" you say: "V is for Vagina." If you're feeling polite, opt for the remixed version, "V is for Viagra."

Instead of Snickers, you'll get: The snacks Maynard James Keenan promised last time at the Pearl and never delivered.

Slipknot

Instead of vampire gear, you wear: Disturbingly clown-like mask, jumpsuit. Have eight friends dress exactly the same.

Instead of "trick or treat" you say: "People = shit."

Instead of Snickers, you'll get: Heavy bag of nails.

Rob Zombie

Instead of vampire gear, you wear: Long unwashed hair, nappy goatee, pale face paint. For bonus points, carry around a director's chair.

Instead of "trick or treat" you say: Something unintelligible and sinister, ending with "yeah!"

Instead of Snickers, you'll get: Sour Patch Kids--abrasive on the outside, psychotically sweet within.

Mitch Albom

Instead of vampire gear, you wear: Sincerity, cowled in schmaltz, wedged between giant ears.

Instead of "trick or treat" you say: "Tuesdays With Morrie sold more than 14 million copies!" Cackle wickedly.

Instead of Snickers, you'll get: Super-sweet cotton candy, made with the tears of more deserving writers.