As We See It

How to tell if your girlfriend is a trained assassin

In this May 17, 2014, photo, Kurt Busch walks with his girlfriend Patricia Driscoll after arriving for the NASCAR Sprint All-Star auto race at Charlotte Motor Speedway in Concord, N.C.
Photo: Terry Renna / AP

In light of Las Vegas-bred NASCAR driver Kurt Busch’s recent testimony that his ex is really a hired killer, we put together this tip-list to help keep you safe at home. You might be in danger if …

• You found night-vision goggles at the bottom of her laundry hamper.

• She lettered in archery back in high school—and still wears the ugly-ass jacket.

• Her hobbies include working out alone and crafting custom weaponry.

• She crushed your Call of Duty high score the first time she played.

• Her laptop wallpaper is the Predator ripping out that guy’s entire spine.

• She stabbed someone in the neck at her college reunion.

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