Last week, the U.S. Department of Energy announced it would begin shipping nuclear waste from Tennessee to Nevada to be stored at the Nevada National Security Site, 65 miles northwest of Las Vegas. In protest, Mayor Carolyn Goodman said she would lie down in the road to stop it. The outlandish proclamation inspired this list of causes she should also lie down for.
• To pick up and magically float MGM Resorts’ arena from the Strip to Symphony Park.
• To add a third showgirl to Oscar’s entourage, officially making it a harem.
• To build a new monorail that runs a circuit from McCarran to the Strip to Fremont Street.
• To speed up Ikea’s completion (we need meatballs).
• To repeal the 10 p.m. city parking-meter policy.
• To steal water from Nestlé’s water-bottling operation to refill Lake Mead.
• To bring back the old Treasure Island pirate show.