We’ve all been there. Seven’s not enough. Nine’s too many.
Eight. Eight is enough.
That’s the case for one-woman Van Patten family Nadya Suleman, who produced a veritable Los Angeles suburb on Jan. 26. Suleman, as has been widely reported, gave birth to octuplets.
As a means of explanation, she said she wanted a “bigger family.” Really? Hell, take mine.
The 1976-’77 UNLV Runnin’ Rebels were known as the Hardway Eight – until now. I mean, eight kids in one turn? Suleman is just one conjugal visit from a full batting order. I’ll bet her next offspring will be named “DH.”
Actually, Suleman is now a mother to a total of 14 children, and for each pregnancy she has used the West Coast IVF Clinic in Beverly Hills. I wonder if this facility has a sign in front boasting, “Millions and Millions Served.” I wonder, does the staff there get kickbacks from Pampers?
More
These numbers – 14 total, eight in one shot – beg questions. Like, “Why so many babies all at once?” and, “A game of Crazy Eight, anyone?” This was no accident. Suleman said the octuplets were an unexpected result of six embryos implanted, or “transferred,” by her as-yet unidentified doctor at McBabyLand (reports are the physician is Dr. Michael Kamrava, who, based solely on this incident, can be considered the father of our country).
Suleman said that in her most recent pregnancy, she expected merely twins. Oh, she got twins -- four sets of ’em. In VegasVille we call that a jackpot. Suleman hit the MegaBucks of maternity. She’s been pregnant five times previously and in each case six embryos were transferred, with the sperm donor identified as a friend of Suleman – an uncommonly busy friend, at that. She has a boyfriend, apparently, but it isn't clear if the boyfriend is the father of the children (and if you're the boyfriend and are just now finding this out, my deepest apologies).
This afternoon I spoke with Las Vegas in-vitro fertilization specialist Dr. Said Daneshmand, a partner in The Fertility Center of Las Vegas, which this year is celebrating its 20th anniversary properly serving eager would-be parents in Southern Nevada. The good doctor and I talked about the weather, our favorite movies (we’re both fans of “This is Spinal Tap”), and while I had him on the line I asked, “What about that crazy baby-maker in L.A.? Is that just nutty? Is this even ethical?”
Dr. Daneshmand said there isn’t a universal embryo-transfer standard issued in any particular state – be it Nevada, California or Abject Lunacy – but that guidelines set by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine state that no more than two embryos should be transferred to a woman younger than age 35. The possibility of developmental disorders is far greater in multiple births than single births, he noted. The idea is to produce a single pregnancy, one at a time, no discount for buying bulk.
“To put six into a patient younger than 35 is not a responsible thing to do,” Dr. Daneshmand said.
Suleman is 33. But I expect she is aging by the moment.
Previous Discussion: