Once there was the old Facebook. It allowed us to talk to anyone, anytime. And those conversations were private—unless we tagged everyone. And it was good. But then the programming gods decided it would be good to break down those privacy walls and make everyone’s conversations available to every Facebook friend.

And suddenly Facebook sucks. It went from intimate and fun to exploitative and uncomfortable. Now every time I log on, it feels like I’m taking a shower and everyone is watching—and posting status updates on how I didn’t clean between my toes. Facebook friends, you know I love you, but until this gets fixed, don’t expect much from me beyond, “Wow, some weather we’re having, eh?”