Proving he’s at least as much a regular guy as Joe the Plumber, President Obama told the Secret Service in January, “You can have my BlackBerry when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.” Essentially. And what kind of pop-culture machinators would we be if someone didn’t immediately publish a small gag book about what might appear on Obama’s BlackBerry? Comedy team Kasper Hauser jumped on it; it’s called Obama’s BlackBerry, and these excerpts tell you most of what you need to know:

“FROM: Arnold Schwarzenegger

TO: Barack Obama

SUBJECT: Let me go after Bin Laden alone

Dear Mr. President,

Listen to me: With a parachute, some Red Bulls and a crossbow I could capture Bin Laden in 24 hours. I could even do it naked. I will grow my hair long for this …”

And:

“FROM: [email protected]

TO: Barack Obama

SUBJECT: self-portrain from TGIFs!

8 applitinis and im’m not even buzzed!!!!

i’m gonna come by whitehouse 2night?!”

Buy it for the crackberry addict or political junkie in your life. Revive the economy. Serve your country.