A perfect Chicago Dog is an angelic offering. Only a Vienna all-beef hot dog is acceptable, nestled in a steamed poppy seed bun with myriad toppings—yellow mustard (never ketchup!), eerily neon-green sweet pickle relish, tomato wedges, a dill pickle spear, hot “sport” peppers and a dash of celery salt.

The Valley’s best example of this flora-smothered spectacle can be found at Hot Dog Heaven—a ramshackle roadside stand at what seems like the end of the world. Its Chicago Dog ($2.80) makes the trip worth it from anywhere in town, though while you’re there I suggest the chili cheese fries ($4.05), with homemade chili and cheddar sauce. It’s the perfect foil to the dog’s almost healthy array of foliage. One word of warning—this venue is not for the thin-skinned. Hot Dog Heaven’s employees are quick-witted and sharp tongued, so be prepared for some verbal jousting. Although certainly good at heart, they’re probably a little too cantankerous to be considered angels. Hot Dog Hell just doesn’t have the same ring.