You’ve memorized the curves of that face. You’d recognize that laugh anywhere. And to you, that voice makes the sweetest sound in the world.

But now it’s going on Week Four of the COVID-19 lockdown. You’re working from home. Your partner is working from home. The toilet paper is running low. And you’re not feeling so warm and fuzzy about that face, that laugh or that voice.

“We’re at a place where everyone is anxious, and they’re all sharing the same space,” says Dr. Katherine Hertlein, a professor in UNLV’s Couple and Family Therapy program. “The coping strategies that we used to use before, we don’t have anymore. You can’t go out shopping. You can’t go to the gym. So now we’re stuck in the house. We’ve got a very high level of anxiety, because this is really a very serious issue. So this creates challenges for some couples, because they weren’t aware that they were using some of those individual strategies to cope before.”

Was your partner using the last of the milk really what caused you to explode? Or was it those four hours glued to CNN or reading yet another news story about COVID-19 that began to affect your attitude toward one another?

“You’re upset and angry or let down by the government, your senator, your employer,and it seems out of your control—that’s really just your grief,” Hertlein says. “You have to acknowledge the grief. Life has changed. Your world has changed. Sit in that grief.

Hertlein’s second tip: “Recognize that everything has changed. If you go through your world and pretend like it hasn’t, that tends to come out as physical symptomology—you’re getting headaches more often, your stomach is tight, your shoulders are tight. Your body is your first indicator that something is going on, and we’re really good at ignoring our body. So check in with your body and make sure you’re feeling what you need to feel to get through each moment.”

And third: “You have to have some type of strategy to negotiate with your partner about the rules that have now changed.”

For some couples, more time together can be no big deal. For others it’s a huge departure. Before playing a heated round of the blame game, sit down with your partner to make a plan. Discuss and decide: Who’s in charge of the kids? Who’s going to cook dinner tonight? Who gets to choose the next show to stream?

“When we think about couples and change and process, we need to be thinking about the assumption of good intent,” Hertlein says. “What are some things where you can still look at your partner and say, ‘They still have good intentions toward me, and I have good intentions toward my partner.’ You have to have this active strategy about looking for those opportunities of good intent.

“Remember that your partner holds you in high regard and you hold them in high regard, and there are good intentions even if there’s a misstep along the way in terms of the roles and rules and how you’re going to negotiate things.”

Remember, you’re in this together. Take the time to laugh. Fall in love all over again with that face and look to your partner as your rock in an ocean of uncertainty.

How to defuse a heated argument

Hertlein says research shows it’s best to take a physical time-out. Separate from one another for at least 20 minutes to calm your physiology. Then come back to the conversation, so the partner knows you haven’t forgotten about them.

Where to get help

Hertlein recommends these local teletherapy counseling options:

• Bridge Counseling 702-474-6450

• ICLV Wellness Center 702-673-4745

• Kayenta Therapy 702-438-7800

• Next Chapter Therapy 702-508-5920

• Pathways Therapy and Wellness Center 702-363-7284