Pieces (of Ass) is The Vagina Monologues for the alpha female, a series of soliloquies by beautiful women about the perks and perils of being attractive. Before you turn blue from choking on your derision, there's an actress-model-ex-Hooters waitress who wants to have a word with you.
What made you want to be a part of Pieces?
No one really wants to hear what we have to say; they just want to see us. So it's really a good opportunity for someone who's good-looking and normally doesn't get a chance to voice their own opinion.
You come out on stage and state: "I am dumb. I'm really, really dumb. Thank God I'm hot." Do you find that empowering?
I come out, and based on how over the top my outfit is, I look like a bimbo. Like what everyone thinks I am. And then as soon as I say that, they're like, "OK, she's not perfect like she looks. She's flat-out telling us she's not perfect." And so it takes all that away so I can really just tell my story.
What is your story?
I have learning disabilities, so my whole life I was considered the dumb girl because I had such a hard time at school. But I'm really good at creative stuff. I always excelled in art. And I'm actually taking what I have and trying to do the best I can with it. I'm trying to be the next Martha Stewart for the MTV generation.
Were the kids mean to you growing up?
Very mean. They used to throw fruit at my head and call me names and pick on me and try and beat me up. And then when I became hot, everything changed. I was now the cool girl and I could do anything and it didn't matter. But in elementary school, it was very different ... it was definitely the cool kids that hated me. I was kind of a mamma's girl, just kind of a dork.
You worked at Hooters for a short time. Do you have any horror stories?
Yeah, it wasn't fun. I was the youngest girl out of all the girls that worked there. I had just turned 18 and I had the biggest boobs and I drove the nicest car. When I was a senior in high school, I had three jobs. I always worked really hard. I was kind of like a workaholic because I have a lot of ambition and drive and I want a lot of things in life. So when I was 18, I bought a brand-new Chevy truck, which was really expensive for someone my age to be driving. And then also I'd just bought myself implants because I'd saved up, because I'd been working so hard. And the girls didn't really like that so I didn't last very long.
You had more problems with staff members than with male customers?
Yeah, it wasn't with the customers. It was just the staff. They were really mean to me.
Would you trade your looks for something else?
Sometimes I'll see a girl walking down the street and you can tell she has no money, and she's not good-looking, and I always think, "I'll bet her life is a lot easier than mine."
How so?
Because having the stigma of always having to be perfect, of always having to be hot, it just exhausts you. I spend all my time, all my extra money, any time or money literally that I have, I spend on that. It's constant maintenance. It's like a car. It's like, do you want to go to the auto body shop every day and sit there and get your car worked on, and pay a bunch of money to do it?
Where does that sense of obligation come from?
I wasn't given a whole lot of talents in any other area other than being really creative—which, how do you make money off that? I'm trying to but it's a difficult thing. Also, another thing is that I look good, and I'm good with fashion and all that stuff. So, it's kind of what I've got so I've got to really work on it. This is really the only shot I've got at making money other than working at the mall at the makeup counter. And my parents have no money and they're poor and I've got to be able to support them.
Why do you think people look down on an attractive person using their looks but not a smart person using brains?
My best friend from when I was 5, she's really smart. She's going to med school and she was the girl with the red head and the freckles and she wasn't always considered the most attractive. And here I was, I was the complete opposite. Oh yeah, people would knock me all the time for doing that. But it's just so stupid. It doesn't make any sense. She's taking what she's got and going with it—and she should. And then here I am, and I'm doing it, I'm taking what I've got and going with it.
On your website, you say you've been cheated on. Why would a guy cheat on a beautiful woman like yourself?
Men cheat not because of the women they're with, but because of themselves. It doesn't matter how beautiful or perfect she is, if he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat anyways, and that's something that's unfortunate. And another sad thing is, most men cheat. It's a simple way of life. Most men cheat. Especially in today's society, especially with the way the Internet is and how available sex is to the world, to the public. And it's really cheapened what sex is. I think sex is something special between two people and you should try and wait and have sex when you're married, and if you can't, then do it with someone you love. It's not something that's supposed to be shared and given away; it's supposed to be something for one person. It really bothered me when I was cheated on. I was with someone for six years, and they cheated on me almost the entire way through. When I found out, it was just devastating. I thought I was going to marry this person. If you're married and you cheat, whether you're a man or a woman, I think you should go to jail.
On your site, you also say, "Be a great woman." What do you think makes a woman great?
I think being a great woman is setting an example. You know, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I was a party kid. I did every drug out there. I ditched school. I flunked half my classes. I was just a druggie party girl in school because I was the dumb girl. What else are you going to be when you can't excel in school? But as soon as I hit 18, I was like, "OK, that was fun. Moving on." Now I'm going to start my empire, I'm going to change the world, I'm going to raise an amazing family, and this is what I'm going to do. I just wish that more women would jump on the bandwagon and really just take a stand and show the world something great and give them something to talk about, on any subject. Whatever that person has to offer, I wish they would go forth and put it out there, and unfortunately women just aren't.