"Hello, Sonja! This is Patrick from the Fine Jewelry Department at Macy's. I'm so sorry, but I just spoke with the jeweler about the ring you dropped off to be sized. Unfortunately, we can only size it to a 6.25 and not to the size 6 you requested. Please call me and let me know what you'd like to do."
My mouth fell open as I replayed the message over and over again. What the hell do you know about that? My "promise ring" can't be sized to fit! It can't be sized to fit! Was it a sign? It had to be! If they couldn't make it fit, it obviously wasn't meant to be. And if it wasn't meant to be, then that must mean that I'm supposed to stay single and not promise myself to one person, taking myself off the market for the rest of my life! Suddenly I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my chest.
I played the message again and then I danced! I'm free, I'm single, I'm not promised! YIPPPEEEE! I don't have to have more babies and move away from my home and uproot my children and stop being Sonja! I would call Patrick back immediately and tell him that I'd like to exchange the dreaded promise ring for that shiny, hip, gorgeous, Movado promise watch I'd seen in the case when I dropped off the life-altering-halt-to-my-footloose-glamorous-single life-ball-and-chain-like-ring.
Wait a minute! What am I saying? I did accept the ring. I made a promise. I promised him that I would stop living in fear of another relationship failure. I promised him that my heart belonged to him and that it always would. Ring or not, I promised. He loves me madly, I love him ... so why in the heck am I so stressed out about us? I want to be in a committed relationship, I always have, it's been my goal since my divorce almost seven years ago. And now I finally have what I have always wanted, and for some reason I feel as though I'm suffocating.
Although, truth be told, right about the time I made those promises, I started to notice about a thousand things about him that drive me absolutely insane! And I also noticed that there seemed to be about a thousand and five things about me that made him want to choke me out.
For instance, he suddenly didn't like the way I dressed. He would give me that sideways glance that always seemed to say, "Yeah, right. Now go and get changed so that we can leave." I hate that look. He used to love the way I dressed, but that was before I was "his girl."
Suddenly, I was too friendly, too flirtatious, too outgoing, which also once upon a time made him love me. Now, he expected me to "tone it down a bit." Tone it down? What the? You mean my personality? Suddenly, I was too demanding, too rigid, too narrow-minded, didn't "get him." Not to mention, "You swear too much." "Do you always have to talk on your cell phone when I'm in the car with you?," "Do you have to wear so much makeup?," "Maybe you should be more of a disciplinarian to your kids" and "Do you have to listen to that music all the time?"
And on and on and on and on ... it was never-ending! I swear, the more time we spent together, the less he seemed to like me. So why did he even want to spend the rest of his life with me? Even more curious: Why was I considering it? Was I that afraid of the prospect of growing old alone?
What about the promises I'd made to myself? Like when I swore I'd never change who I am and what I believe in to make someone else more comfortable being with me. Hadn't I been through that already? Hadn't I spent the first half of my life married, giving up my own hopes and dreams and identity trying to make someone love me? Did I really want to spend the second half of my life with someone who only seemed to like me when I was doing exactly as I was told when I was told to do it?
And furthermore, who in his right mind wouldn't tire of such a mindless nymph?
Stop the madness!
You can't say you love someone only if they are willing to change everything about themselves to make you and your life more comfortable. Love isn't supposed to come with conditions. Sure, a bit of compromise is always in order, but should you compromise to the point of losing who you are? Absolutely not!
Suddenly, everything became very clear to me. I knew exactly what I had to do. I had to stay true to me. I love me! I love my life, my friends, my home, my everything! I would rather grow old alone for the right reasons than to stay with someone for fear of being alone, for all the wrong reasons.
No sooner was it out there in the universe than my phone rang. It was Jay. "Sonja, I'm sorry. I love you, but I want children of my own. I want to smoke. I want to keep my apartment by the beach and not move to a house farther away. I think we want different things. I think we should ... "
As I left the fine jewelry department of Macy's, I was walking on air, my feet never touching the ground. Blinded by bliss, I slammed right into a very handsome man. "I'm so sorry," I said.
"It's all right," he answered. "By the way, do you have the time?"
I looked down at the shiny new Movado watch on my wrist and smiled. Yes. It's time to move on.
Sonja covers the ins and outs of relationships. Or is it the ups and downs?