I've been married to my husband for just over a month. He is a wonderful man and I love him tremendously. Lately, however, I've been sorely frustrated by his ex-wife's behavior and his inability to set her straight because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. She calls with "crises" and insists they meet. She even showed up at our home unannounced once! He eventually told her we were living together (before we were married) and then felt terrible about it. Same thing happened when she found out we were married. When will she stop contacting him and when will he realize that it is no longer his responsibility to protect her? This situation is really taking a toll on our relationship.
Heartbroken Newlywed
Dear HN,
I see that the calls will stop by the end of February.
Two things are going to happen:
1. She's going to meet someone with whom she can pull the "helpless victim, damsel in distress" act.
2. You're not going to say one more negative word against her for the next two months.
Rather, you are going to always have a Plan "B." Plan "B" is where you have something fun lined up to do when he's off tending to his "ex." Go shopping, get to the gym, or have something in mind he would've really liked to do with you—hint-hint. Get a couple of girlfriends together and brainstorm about what you'll do the next time he runs off to the ex-wife. Something like this: "OK, while you're off fixing what's-her-name's toilet, I'm meeting Janie at the bar (choose someplace nice where other men will notice what an attractive woman you are), when you're done why don't you meet me there?" He's always invited to your Plan "B"; I just want him to know that you're way more fun, attractive, and smarter than anyone else in his universe.
Maybe Plan "B" happens just because you want him to know that he made the right choice with you as a lifetime companion. Don't let him talk about his ex-wife; when he brings her up the next time say something like, "Honey, I know that that relationship is in the past and I also know you're smart enough to handle disengaging from her, I trust you." Always keep in mind, there were big problems in that relationship which is why they're not together anymore.
Go to lasvegasweekly.com, look up my column from last week and do the house cleansing ritual I recommend. If for some unlikely reason the calls or rescuing don't stop by the end of February, then I would recommend professional counseling.
If A is A, then what?
Here's one for you. I'm an unemployed science engineer. I am redirecting my career for my own reasons. I just found out that my brother-in-law has stage-four lung cancer. I was curious after seeing you on Fox 5 news if you have a direction on which way I should focus my God-given talents.
BD
Dear BD,
You're not just an unemployed science engineer, you are an extremely talented unemployed science engineer.
While I don't mind that you might want to live close by to aid in the emotional support of your loved ones, I do mind that you may be rejecting the gift you have. There are some wonderful opportunities that will come your way by the end of February. I see that in past jobs, you've found yourself working in very restrictive and suppressive environments. Procedure and objectivity are appropriate for your line of work toward an expected or desired outcome, but for you, having a way to expand upon "mistakes" would be where you would thrive. I see that you would do particularly well working in the private sector where you can be a little more creative.
There were two projects you worked on in the past in which the "mistake" was more interesting than what was expected. I think you may be able to do independent work for a company that might be interested in your research. I am certain that you can obtain grant or project money (as your income stream) to do this work and be happier with the autonomy. Get yourself a business license as a consultant; list all of your research and projects (look for an obvious pattern) and begin contacting companies that would benefit from your contribution to their success. It's really important that what you do next allows you to take full credit and recognition for your brilliance.
While I don't see anything about your brother-in-law, I do see that this news is supposed to motivate you to no longer hide how good you are. I don't want other people taking credit for your work anymore.
Mystic Mona is a licensed professional in the psychic arts through the city of Las Vegas. Her live, local radio show, Psychic View, airs at 10 a.m. Saturdays on Hot Talk 1140-AM. You may e-mail your questions for consideration to [email protected].