LETTERS

Regarding the Oscar Watch on page 12 of the January 22 issue [which quotes the mayor as hoping for a "win-win for civil liberties and a win-win for Downtown"]: I think if you look very closely at the thought-bubble over his head, what you'll actually see is, "I'm hoping we'll be able to work out a 'when-when' for civil liberties and a 'Wynn-Wynn' for Downtown."

You Say It's Down at the End of Some Lonely Streets ... Yes, Sounds Like a Fitting Tribute to the King

Loved your article on those street names in Las Vegas (January 8).

One day about a year ago, I drove out Farm Road to where it ended at Decatur, turned north on Decatur to where it ended at Grand Teton, turned west about one or two blocks to a street I don't remember the name of, turned north again and came across a cul-de-sac named after Elvis. It was a brand new development with some very nice houses on it.

Personally, I would love to be able to live on that street.

Thank God We Killed That Story on Back-Waxing

It was interesting to read the piece in the January 22 issue covering shaves and haircuts ("Straight Eye for the Straight Razor," by Dayvid Figler). These two subjects are things with which I have had problems for years, but to read where one obviously from an outpost of Homo Sapiens paid $45 for this service is, in my never humble opinion, absurd. It was the action perpetrated by someone with more dollars than sense.

When I was in my 20s and 30s, I usually kept my hair in a crew cut so I didn't have to screw with it. I could get up in the morning, comb my hair with a towel and go! On the shaving issue, I have always considered the very act of scraping one's face with a sharp instrument to be absolutely barbaric. However, not being either a Simian or Anthropoid, I acquiesce to shaving with a Norelco rotary because I detest the feel of hair on my face even more.

Yes, I still have a full head of hair, which has prompted an acquaintance to once ask, "Are you losing your hair?" (probably because he was losing his, in his early 20s), to which I responded, "Do you think it's possible to lose someone else's?"

An interesting  piece.

Let's Get Frank McCourt to Settle This

A reader had some pointed rejoinders for Max Jacobson's January 8 review of Nine Fine Irishmen:

First, corned beef and cabbage is Irish-American, not Irish. And Killian's Red, last time I looked, is an American beer made by Coors.

Finally, since Joyce and Beckett lived outside of Ireland most of their adult lives (Joyce almost entirely) and neither were beer drinkers, no, they would not have had "one more Guinness." But it was a nice ending, even if inaccurate. Joyce would have preferred a few glasses of the Swiss Fendant de Sion, and Beckett would more than likely have drunk wine or brandy. Otherwise, I enjoyed your review.

Max Jacobson replies:
I appreciate literate responses from readers, and I should have noted that Killian's Red is American-made. As to the corned beef and cabbage being Irish-American, that is inaccurate, and as to the Joyce and Beckett references, obviously I was taking a bit of poetic licence. Not only was I aware that Beckett lived most of his adult life in Paris, I was in a Left Bank cafe in 1968, staring at an older man who looked quite Bohemian, and when he got up to leave, a French girl came over and said, "Don't you know who that was? That was Beckett!"

This Week's Best Letter Bashing Britney Like She Was a Breasty Piñata

When I heard Britney Spears' attorney call her decision to annul her "spontaneous" marriage to her former childhood sweetheart an act of "maturity,"  it simply made my mind wobble. That the marriage even took place is a blatant act of immaturity and shows an utter lack of respect for, yes, the sanctity of marriage. How Spears and friend could be so utterly bored with Las Vegas as to define their early a.m. traipse down the wedding aisle as a diversion is remarkable. How bored could one be with a comped (I presume) luxury hotel suite and carte blanche entertainment in all of the hottest clubs and lounges?

Granted, marriage has been made a joke of late, thanks to shows like Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire?, but it is the breathless stupidity of Spears and Alexander that ticks me off. They, um, like, gee, like just decided to like, do something "wild and crazy." Try, like, what you did was like something like really stupid and simply served to like showcase your lack of maturity.

I am second-guessing, but perhaps the purpose of this insta-marriage was to draw more media hype, publicity and attention blah blah blah to Miss Spears and the companion du jour. Rather hard to believe, though, since her escalating public displays of spit-swapping with her girlfriends get noted in the media regularly and without fail. The speed with which she and Alexander managed to get their little stunt undone was also amazing. When I got my divorce it took over a year to disentangle the finances, the possessions and, yes, a family. Speaking of families, what would the headlines blare if Spears suddenly got the urge to become a mommy? One can't make an insta-infant, but I foresee something along these lines:

Britney Hires Surrogate Birth Mother—"Look, Ma! No Stretch Marks!"

Well, Britney, how nice it is you can immediately annul a marriage; one you entered into as a joke, a lark, as "something crazy to do." But, please, take this bit of sage advice from a mature woman. If and when you ever decide to take the biggest step in becoming a woman, as in having a child, keep in mind, my dear, children aren't a laughing matter, and once they arrive they can't be annulled, cancelled or voided, nor can they be turned back in for a refund. In view of what I have recently read about your temporary spouse, I also think I would be a little pickier about whom I chose to play mommy and daddy with. And, girl, what was with the tacky baseball cap?