It is important before starting a yoga class to set the intention for your practice. In doing this, you are able to clear your mind, quiet the little voice in your head that can cause doubt, focus and establish goals to help ensure a spiritual, fulfilling and successful practice. As I sat on my mat in full lotus, trying to set my intention, it dawned on me that the same should hold true before embarking on a new relationship.
If we set our intentions before getting involved with someone new, instead of just wandering in blindly and taking things as they come, then wouldn't we be increasing our chances to find a spiritual, fulfilling and successful relationship?
As I pondered this in the stillness of the Hatha Yoga Center, I set my intentions for class: I promised myself that I would do each pose as if for the first time. That I would not hold any attachment to my pain, practice without judgment and that no matter how difficult a posture felt, I would remember to relax and breathe to get through it.
Then my mind wandered to setting my intentions for my next relationship. As it did, I was suddenly flooded with memories of the night before. My whole body tingled as I recalled how incredible it felt to be held in the arms of someone new, someone exciting, someone who definitely lit my fire. And as we danced the night away, our bodies pressed up against each other seemingly dancing to the beat of our own hearts, Ian pulled away and looked at me. His smile said it all, but just so there wouldn't be any confusion, he whispered into my ear, "This never happens. How did I find you?" And once again I found myself swept up in passion's embrace.
Suddenly, the little voice inside my head screamed: "What is this? Some freakin' romance novel? Give me a break! This guy's just trying to get into your pants and you know it. He's just a little smoother because he's a little older and has more game than the usual punks you fall for. Trust me on this one, sister—run, don't walk, to the nearest exit!"
OK, I know I'm supposed to listen to that little voice, that it's my conscience trying to guide me to safety, but hell, I've never listened before, why start now? However, it's important to note that I'm not a complete idiot, and that what my conscience was trying to remind me of was the truism that women use sex to get love and that men use love to get sex.
Maybe it's that whole Venus vs. Mars thing, or maybe men are just tricky bastards and women are love junkies. Whatever, inevitably, we believe what we want to believe, and at that moment, I chose to believe what I was feeling was right and good. So I didn't run off. And at the end of the night, he kissed me goodbye so sweetly that I was just a puddle of goo in my Jimmy Choo's. He said he wanted to see me again ... often. But he didn't ask for my number, and he didn't set up a second date, which of course left me wanting him badly. Damn, he was good.
The way I saw it, one of two things would happen: 1) He would just disappear, allowing me to continue on my man-hating expedition; or 2) he would do a little research and find me. I know how hopelessly romantic that last one sounds, but hey, a girl can hope.
So there I was, laying on my mat in yoga class, eyes closed and realizing that in order to make my next relationship different, in order to keep myself from falling head over heels for the first smooth-talking, sexy fella that comes along and getting my heart destroyed for the umpteenth time, I'd have to change my approach. This time, I am not going to fall into bed with anyone until I've established a good, solid foundation. Not until I've achieved a level of friendship and respect will I allow myself to even consider taking the next step. And I'll remember that sex does not equal love (even if it is really good sex) and that it will only cloud my mind and ruin my judgment.
Wow! In one fell swoop I'd managed to set my intention for my yoga practice as well as my next relationship. Man, I'm deep.
I inhaled, smiling inwardly, feeling so sure of myself, so strong and proud, when suddenly the energy in the entire room changed. I didn't even have to open my eyes to figure out what had happened. My stomach did a triple handspring as I felt a finger ever so gently run down my left shoulder.
Ian. He'd done some research and found me. Damn, he was good.
For two and a half hours, he matched me asana for asana, sweating, never slowing down. Intentions out the window, all I wanted to do was steamroll over to his mat and hump him in half. No, I told myself, I absolutely will not do that. I will spend time getting to know him and establishing a strong foundation built on friendship and respect. I will not use sex to get love. But, oh my God, how I wanted to.
During relaxation, when the room was dark except for the dim glow of two small candles and everyone was resting peacefully with their eyes closed, I felt Ian's soft lips press against mine for a second that I wished could last an eternity. I opened my eyes and smiled as he whispered, "Dinner tonight?" I shook my head yes, and he quietly left the room, leaving me wanting him badly.
I closed my eyes again and softly asked the little voice inside my head if I had what it took to follow the intentions I'd set for myself. "You've never listened to me before," the little voice replied, "why would you start now?"