We're not Larry King—we just can't carry off that Brooklyn-geek-with-suspenders look. And we lack that snappish panache of his when he barks, "Saskatchewan—HELLO!"
But comic/commentator Bill Maher, one of the Kingmeister's favorite gabbers, overlooked our failings and favored us with a few minutes of his time, given that he'd like a few minutes of yours when he hits House of Blues on Saturday.
Item:.
Comic as advocate
"I'm more comfortable just firing from the tall grass. You know the old saying, 'The higher the monkey gets his ass up in the tree, the easier it is to see.' I hate to be such an advocate, I don't want to be seen as, 'Oh, he's on their team.' That's what's wrong with American politics: People are loyal to their team, not to principles. Rush Limbaugh, who spends 20 years on the radio saying, 'Drug users should go to jail' is caught being the biggest drug user in the country, and they find a way to say, 'He's on medication.' Even though 30 OxyContin a day is getting way more high than you and I ever did. George Bush could be in those pictures from Abu Ghraib holding the leash, and there are people who would figure a way to describe why that's the right thing to do. "
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Endangerment of independent thought
"I don't think it's any coincidence that George Bush's main base of support is religious. The way the religious mind thinks is to cut off thinking—the good book has all the answers. How did we get here? God created the Earth. OK, we don't have to think about that anymore. When really, we do need to think about things like that more.
"There was a CBS news report, they went to Allentown, Pennsylvania, and they asked this woman whose husband was overseas, and he got not only wounded but screwed by the military, his benefits cut, and [the interviewer] said, 'You're still going to vote for George Bush?' And she said, 'Well, he's a Christian.' And that's the ball game. He loves Jesus, I love Jesus, and we don't have to think about it."
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Post-9/11 comment: "We have been the cowards, lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly." Consider actual reaction then. Consider probable reaction now.
"That's the part that's become so evident during the 9/11 hearings. Several Republican officials basically said the same thing, that firing cruise missiles was not the brave way to go. Also, a member of the 9/11 Commission said to the head of the fire department that the response of the fire and police department in New York was not worthy of the Boy Scouts. Can you imagine saying that even a year after 9/11? Remember, firemen were walking gods.
"I remember an old Dean Martin roast, 30 years after Pearl Harbor, and somebody said, 'Don Rickles is so mean he shows film of Pearl Harbor with a laugh track.' And Pearl Harbor, much the equivalent of 9/11, but you wouldn't think of saying, 'Oh, he's so mean, he shows film of 9/11 with a laugh track.' But obviously in 30 years, if we said it about Pearl Harbor, we probably will."
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A meaner, nastier America.
"They're hypocritical to point their fingers, when the FCC says 'We're outraged, Janet Jackson is a new low.' Well, the new low to me is [Speaker of the House] Dennis Hastert questioning [Sen.] John McCain about sacrifice. But this is the party, the Republicans, who unseated [Sen.] Max Cleland, who is a triple amputee. Apparently, he didn't leave that fourth limb on the battlefield, so his patriotism was questioned. They literally put his face next to Osama bin Laden in an ad. Of course, the culture is going to follow that.
"I was watching the last Lakers-Timberwolves game when it was apparent the Timberwolves had lost. The crowd goes into 'Naaa-naa, naaa-naaaah, Naaa-naaa, naa-naaaah, hey-hey-hey, goodbye.' This is a team that played its heart out for six games, made a valiant effort. For a crowd to jeer them with that full-throated bullshit—when did we become that? When did we become that country that revels in 'You're fired! You're off the island!' Making people cry, that's all reality TV is."
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Children.
"One of the reasons marijuana is still illegal in this country is because you can always scare the voter with the slippery slope argument: 'If we allow marijuana, your kid will be doing awful things to make his heroin-fix money.' As long as the argument is, 'We're protecting children,' you can do anything. And I make the argument that protecting children is important, but it shouldn't be more important than everything. Drugs have midwived so many great ideas, so many great songs. I think 'Penny Lane,' for example, is worth 10 dead kids. [laughs] I think 'Dark Side of the Moon' is worth a hundred dead kids. [laughs] And I don't care who knows it." [laughs]
Item:
Politics as entertainment.
"When John Edwards was running for president, they had a Democratic operative say, 'I like to watch him on TV and I think other people do too.' And I thought, 'Oh, OK, that's what this is really all about.' We're giving a guy a reality show for four years. That's what the presidency is. It's Survivor, Pennsylvania Avenue."